The UnOfficial Olympics of Middle Earth
by MagicalRachel
Summary: **Completed** What happens when I get bored at work..... The final ceremony! Not that everything goes smoothly...!
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer -  I, Rachel - the author of this fic, do not claim to own any of the characters in this piece of writing. I do not own anything else mentioned either - especially products. Please do not sue me: I'm a good person, I just have a strange imagination.

Chapter 1 - Vital Information (aka - the bit they forgot to mention in RotK)

"Ladies and gentlemen, elves, hobbits, dwarves and wizards," began Aragorn, whilst sat on his throne in a field somewhere in Gondor. It was the day after his wedding to Arwen, and he had gathered all of his visitors together again in order to make an important speech ."It is my pleasure to see you all again one last time before we disperse to our respective lands. However, that was not the sole purpose of this gathering. I requested your presence to inform you....." He paused suddenly in his reverie, noticing something that displeased him toward the front of the crowd. "Peregrin Took, don't even think about going to sleep during my first official speech as king. You know how much I've been looking forward to ruling all of Middle Earth, don't spoil my moment." 

"Uh Strider, I mean, your majesty," intercepted Merry, who was sat next to Pippin - also enjoying his ale in the warm sunshine. "You do know that you only get to rule Gondor don't you?" 

Aragorn sat silently for a few seconds trying to remember why that comment sounded familiar. He had been told that before, a few months ago, by........ now who was it? Ah! Boromir. The thought of Boromir and his unfortunate death made him feel uneasy, so he pushed the thoughts to the back of his mind and continued, hoping to eradicate his mistake. 

"Yes, I am fully aware of that Master Brandybuck, but all I was insinuating was that I am that happy to be wedded to the beautiful Arwen, and be in the company of such honourable people - I may as well be ruling all of Middle Earth." Aragorn stopped again and lowered his head to glance at the crowd settled on the grass. Half of them were tittering to themselves due to the awkward moment presented to the king, and the other half were falling asleep. He was losing them, and had to act and act fast if there was to be any hope of maintaining his reputation. 

"Ladies and gentlemen - and all the rest of you," he began again, hoping to raise a reaction from the crowd. Mission accomplished, they looked up, he had their attention. Now the fun would start. "The reason you are all here today - aside, I hope, from the free beer ("Hey, I paid for mine," shouted a disgruntled dwarf about four rows back.) - was to hear my very important announcement. This time next year, Gondor will be hosting the first ever 'Official Olympics of Middle Earth'. Every race and species is invited to participate, that is, entering for the various races and events that they are eligible for. Some events will be open to all, whereas some are too specialised and therefore not appropriate for universal entry. You will be informed of these events in the coming weeks. Any questions?" 

Stupid question really. Almost every hand in the field was raised. 

"Master Gamgee?" Aragorn began with. He wanted to start with a familiar face. 

"Your Highness Mr Strider Sir, I wanted to know how many people are allowed in each event." 

"Good question Samwise. The truth is - there is not just one answer. You will be informed when more information about the individual events is available, as such things are not set in stone yet. However, I can tell you that representatives for each set of Middle Earth occupants will be chosen through extensive mini competitions. Anything else?" 

The questions continued for a good three quarters of an hour, until both Aragorn and the audience were exhausted. Some of the questions had been sensible, some had been odd, and some had been downright stupid. Eventually, the crowd left, and Aragorn retired to his 'palace'. The first stage of the Official Olympics of Middle Earth was in place. 

A/N - I have no idea if this has been done before, but I was bored at work the other day and was thinking up ideas for fanfic. This is what happened. Please review with your suggestions for improvement, and also for Olympic events. The wackier the better! 

Keep reading (please! Don't give up on me just yet!), and review, review, review! People who write nice reviews get to win their class in the Official Olympics of Middle Earth! 

Rachel xx 


	2. I think the excitement is going to Frodo...

Disclaimer - Unfortunately, some distant relative linking my family to Tolkien's hasn't been unearthed in the last 24 hours so I still don't own LotR or anything associated with it. 

A/N - Due to complaint about the technical inaccuracy of my last chapter (shame on you for being anonymous and not leaving e-mail), I would like to point out that it is highly unlikely that there is only one field in Gondor. I would also like to add that the comment concerning the extent of Aragorn's kingship is part of a (not really) running joke from my other Hobbit story. I am sat here with all three books in front of me and will attempt to use the correct specifics. However, it is all a bit of fun anyway, and if you get that hung up over a few mistakes in a story then you probably have no life. 

Chapter 2 - Olympic Villages and why Hobbits and early mornings don't mix.

In the three months that had passed since King Elessar had made his announcement, Middle Earth had become a place of frenzied excitement and activity. The scouring of the Shire in the summer (A/N - yes I know that it took place in October time in the book, but for the purpose of this story it happened in the summertime.) halted preparations there slightly, but soon the mood of festivity was heightened again. Overall, Middle Earth was the happiest it had been since Bilbo's heyday. 

The rules, instructions and general information concerning the Olympics had been released and dispatched two weeks after the meeting in the Gondor fields. There were to be almost 100 events in total, that fell into many different classes: the main being those of Men, Hobbits, Elves and Dwarves (although these were certainly not the only ones). Each main race would have an equal number of events that they were eligible to enter and, in addition, there were to be events open to all occupants of Middle Earth. 

Preparations for the Hobbit classes were initially due to commence in Hobbiton after the men and other outsiders had been removed. However, the Official Olympics of Middle Earth had attracted so much interest in the Shire that they were forced to find a new meeting place to prevent overcrowding in Hobbiton. Several locations were suggested, but it was eventually agreed that the best solution would be to create an Olympic village in one of the many miles of open space in the Shire. This being settled, a comprehensive list of events was sent to every Hobbit inhabited village in Middle Earth. Individuals would sign up for the event or event they desired to participate in and then attend the three weeks of trials in the Olympic Village at the beginning of September. 

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September the first, the day in which Frodo and his friends were due to be travelling to the Olympic Village dawned sultry and cloudless. Frodo was roused at dawn by an extremely excited Sam who bought him breakfast in bed (consisting of bacon and tomatoes in case you were interested), before forcing him to get ready to leave. As the Olympic trials were being held in a location nearer to Hobbiton than Buckland, Merry and Pippin had been temporarily residing in the rebuilt inn in Bywater - which they left at about the same time Frodo was woken in order to meet the others at Bag End. 

At half past six, the doorbell of Bag End was rung by Merry. 

"Master Frodo, Master Frodo! They're here!!" Sam could be heard to say from inside. 

"Well answer the door then Sam, they'll be getting impatient standing on the doorstep." Frodo said. 

"OK, Master Frodo. I'm coming Merry, Pip, don't run off." 

Pippin and Merry waited outside the door for a moment listening to the sound of Sam running to let them inside - footsteps followed by a loud crash and an "OW!" Suddenly the door was opened by Frodo, who was almost doubled over with laughter. 

"What happened?" said Merry. 

Frodo remained silent (well not silent, but unable to speak) for a few seconds, before replying: 

"Sam...... Sam...... was so excited to be going to the Olympic trials that he......." Frodo paused, his recurring bout of laughter preventing him from continuing. ".....He ran into the hallway, tripped straight over his pack and did three somersaults before landing in the kitchen in a heap." Frodo finished, waving his hands around for dramatic effect. Merry and Pippin, who obviously hadn't found this tale anyway near as funny as they were evidently supposed to, stood mutely in the doorway before spotting Frodo's potentially dangerous glance and creasing up in insincere laughter. 

As soon as Frodo walked into the kitchen to retrieve the now somewhat battered Sam, Pippin said to Merry: 

"Is Frodo always like that or is it just the early morning?" 

"I think he found your secret stash of Bud Light, Pip." 

"Yeah, I really should have disposed of that shouldn't I?" 

"Yes Pippin. Seriously though, I don't think we should be concerned at Frodo's sudden insanity. We all know he's not even the slightest bit normal until after second breakfast." 

"I suppose." replied Pippin, "Look, they're coming back now - let's set off." 

The four companions left Bag End ten minutes later after much delay - mostly concerning the whereabouts of Sam's pipeweed and Frodo's teddy bear. They reached as far as the end of New Row before Sam exclaimed (loudly enough for the people in Brandy Hall to hear): "Master Frodo, I think we've left the gas on!" 

Sam then ran, in record time, back to Bag End to turn off the offending gas, before turning back to rejoin the group. 

"Hey, Sam - what events were you planning on entering?" said Merry, looking like he was formulating a plan (for your future reference and personal safety if Merry looks like he is formulating a plan RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!). 

"Ummm..... vegetable picking, mushroom eating, the piggyback race and possibly the apple throwing event. Why?" said Sam, looking very suspicious and curious. 

"Yeah why? Merry." said Frodo, with a look similar to Sam's upon his face. 

"Well....... pippin and I have a bet going with some of the hobbits in Bree that it would be a Shire hobbit who would qualify for the 'free for all' 100m race." said Merry. 

"And you're telling me this because........" said Sam, having obviously not thought about what Merry had just said. 

"Sam - you'd be perfect to enter. We saw the way you raced back to Bag End just now." 

"You know," said Sam in almost disbelief, "Hobbits and early mornings really should not mix - it gives them strange ideas." 

And with that final comment, no more was said on the subject, and the remainder of the journey to the Olympic Village was commenced in silence - with the exception, of course, of Pippin's occasional bursts of song. 

A/N - So......... good, bad, better, worse? Please review! Due to my lack of finance you won't get any prizes, but I do have the rather tempting (or not) reward of winning any categories you come up with! Empress Greenleaf of Mirkwood - do you have any preference as to which event you win? Rachel xx 


	3. And you thought Sam was such a slow, qui...

Disclaimer - Unfortunately for little me, I still don't own LotR (or the Olympics for that matter). Please don't sue me for my words - I couldn't afford the charges anyway! 

To the lovely people who have taken the time to review: you will appear soon, but the trials are going to be based mostly on hobbit stuff so it might take a few chapters! 

Chapter 3 - On your marks, get set, go! Time for the trials!

"We're here, we're here, oh my goodness, I can't believe we're here!" Pippin sang as the four hobbits approached the entrance to the Olympic village. Sam made a mental note at that moment to never ever let Pippin drink coffee again - even if he was falling asleep on a very important journey. 

"Yeah, we're here - but where exactly are we going?" said Frodo. This was not an unreasonable question - the Olympic village appeared to be extremely large. 

"Hold on," said Sam, "I'll just consult my map." Sam pulled his bottomless bag (A/N - see 'Why hobbits....' chapter 2 for reference) from atop his shoulders and began to rummage through it. Triumphant in finding what he was looking for almost immediately, he held up a small folded square of paper*/parchment*/whatever they used for writing on in the Shire* (*Delete as appropriate). Deftly, he flicked the square and it unfolded into a large pop up map of the Olympic village. The other three hobbits stood still, apparently dumbfounded at Sam's resourcefulness. 

"What?" said Sam defensively, "If you lot had paid attention at the meeting with Aragorn then you would have been given one too." 

"Right." said Merry, "So are we going in then?" 

After much umming and ahhing (if that makes any sense whatsoever) over the map and where the check in centre was, the hobbits entered the Olympic village: and were confronted by a large, brightly coloured tent, that had an equally large 'check in here' sign in front of it. 

The check in area consisted mainly of tables. Lots of tables, each with a large sheet of paper (see above note) on. When examined, it could be seen that these pieces of paper were the sign up sheets for the trials. 

Abandoning any last pretence of being calm, the four hobbits ran off to the respective tables in a flurry of excitement. Sam signed up for all of the events he intended to (in case you'd forgotten, these were: vegetable picking, mushroom eating, apple throwing, and the piggyback race with Frodo.), and was also - unbeknown to him, signed up for the free for all 100m by Merry and Pippin. Merry and Pippin themselves signed up for surprisingly few events. As you would expect, they signed up for the mushroom eating competition, and also (as did almost every hobbit above the age of 18) for the drinking contest. Merry, Sam and Frodo found it hilarious that a hobbit such as Pippin should choose to sign up for a drinking contest where winning depended on staying sober for a relatively long time. Frodo, however, signed up for virtually every event - including the free for alls! He planned to challenge Legolas at archery (fool), and attempt to win the staring competition against the champion decided from the Middle Earth Games back in the second age: Celeborn. How he would do was anyone's guess, but you have to give him points for enthusiasm! 

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Two days later, all of the ceremonies and preparatory talks and explanations were over and it was time for the trials to begin. Merry and Pippin had confessed to Sam their actions, and Sam was now looking forward to his race in nervous anticipation. Just as well really, as the free for alls were the first trials to take place. 

"Would all participants in the 100m race please assemble at the starting line in five minutes," the tannoy system screamed over the chatter of the excited and expectant crowd, "I repeat, would all participants in the 100m race please assemble at the starting line....." 

"This is you Sam," said Frodo, giving his friend a slap on the back in support. Sam smiled back weakly, looking extremely nervous and also slightly queasy. 

"Hey, you'll be fine Sam," said Merry, looking a lot more confident than he felt, " Just pretend that you're chasing Gollum and he's run off with one of your pans." 

At that comment, Sam looked up with a determined grimace on his face. He smiled at the group, donned his numbered running vest, and jogged over to the starting line. The hobbits he was to be running against were already assembled, looking extremely confident and mostly in their early twenties. 

"Now remember," the official at the starting line was saying to the race's participants, "The eight 'winners' from this race will face the eight 'winners' from tomorrow's race, in a second heat on Thursday. The eight fastest participants in that race will then run against each other in a final race next week. The fastest four make the Olympic team. Everybody understand?" The assembled hobbits nodded. "Now, if you would go to your starting positions." 

Sam looked down at the number on his chest (number 9 - the fellowship number) and found the correct starting position. Must think Gollum. He thought to himself. Must think Gollum. Must think Gollum. Must think...... 

"On your marks. Get set. GO!" 

The race was on. 

To the audience's surprise and delight, the favourite to win the race (number 4 -an unpopular hobbit in the Hobbiton area) was lagging behind slightly. There was no way he could catch the group of about four who were about to cross the finishing line together. The tape was down, the race was over. But who had one. The tannoy announcer clarified this for the crowd. 

"The winner in the first heat of the hobbit division in the free for all 100m is....... number 9 - Samwise Gamgee!" 

Sam had won. He was one step closer to competing in the Official Olympics of Middle Earth. Merry, Pippin and Frodo were sat in awe. They knew he could run, they had seen this previously hidden talent on the day with the gas 'incident', but they had never seriously contemplated that he would win. 

Only one question remained to be answered as the crowds dispersed ready for the set up of the hobbit classes and events: could he go all the way? 

A/N - Yay! Samwise, the superstar athlete! Go Sam! Up next in Chapter 4 - drinking competitions, mushroom eating and the oh so much fun piggyback race (it's all non slash so don't get ideas)! Just so you know........... 

Thanks again for the reviews - keep up the good work! 

Rachel xx 


	4. It's so popular even Britney makes an ap...

Disclaimer - Still don't own an awful lot! 

I know that everyone probably says this, but...... I have the best fans/reviewers! Awwww! OK, soppy moment finished with now! 

Just a point I need to address for your future reference: 

1. Many events mentioned will not feature as more than a passing comment until the actual Olympics. This is to keep them fresh and exciting - what fun is it describing every heat of every event in detail?! These include the brilliant ones suggested by reviewers (love the Mount Doom/one ring 'ring toss' BTW!) 

So... on with the show! 

Chapter 4 - Even Britney makes an appearance at the trials...... (Oh, and Pippin gets drunk!) 

After Sam's success in the first heat of the 100m, he, Merry, Frodo and Pippin went to the refreshments tent to 'practice' for the drinking competition that was to take place in a few days. (This was OK to do because Sam's race was the last of the day, and none of the four had any races until mid morning the following day!) That was the official excuse anyway. In reality they were going because they were hobbits and there was cheap ale/beer. 

As they had anticipated, Pippin was completely inebriated after about two small mugs (he was used to drinking Bud Light after all), and proceeded to sing. Loudly. 

"Ooops I did it again, I drank too much beer, got really drunk - ooh baby, baby......." 

"Noooo, Pippin! Stop, make him stop," cried Merry, looking horrified and also quite traumatised. 

"Hey, Pip, Pip, PIP!" Frodo shouted. Pippin stopped singing and dancing (yes, there was a dance routine - oh the horror), Merry stopped shaking in terror, and the rest of the tent's occupants just stopped. 

"Nothing to see," said Sam, "Go back to what you were doing." 

"Now, Merry," said Frodo, "What's the matter?" 

"Orcs..... captured...... me and Pippin...... torture...... sang Britney songs....." 

"Oh." said Sam, shuddering at the thought, "Well, that was a long time ago, and you're safe now - look, Pippin's fallen asleep!" 

Merry looked up to confirm Sam's statement and saw that, yes, Pippin had indeed fallen asleep under the table and was snoring softly. 

"I think that means it's time for us to go," said Frodo, "We've got a busy day tomorrow - piggyback racing, mushroom eating and archery!" 

"Archery?!" said Merry, suddenly looking fully recovered from the shock of Pippin's singing and the memories associated with it. 

"Yes. Archery." said Frodo, looking quite serious. 

"Do you seriously think you stand a chance in the archery free for alls?" 

"Yep!" 

"Against our old pal Leggy?" 

"Oh. I had forgotten about him. Damn." 

"You're gonna make a complete idiot of yourself," said Merry, enjoying the expression on Frodo's face. 

"Cheers Merry." 

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The hobbits woke at about 10:30 the next day, disgusted to learn that it was both raining, and they had missed the first breakfast sitting. Surprisingly, Pippin wasn't hung over - if anything, he was the most awake out of the four. 

The piggyback race was the first event that concerned Pippin, Merry, Frodo and Sam, and it was not one they were looking forward to. They approached the start line in their respective pairs with caution. Each pair had to run 40m, piggyback style naturally, before swapping over and running back. The starting whistle blew, and the pairs set off, slipping and sliding in the puddles and mud. Sam and Frodo took the immediate lead, but were foiled at the swap over when Frodo hoisted Sam up and promptly fell over. Merry and Pippin didn't even make it that far: they were laughing so much that they barely made away from the start line before falling over. So much for making it to the Olympics in that way. 

In the mushroom eating event, however, Merry, Pippin, Frodo and Sam all qualified to go to the Olympics - big surprise! They celebrated by eating more mushrooms! 

Frodo also qualified in both the archery contest and the staring contest. The main reason, however, for this surprising turn of events was that he was the only one registered in the staring contest, and all of the other competitors dropped out of the archery contest when they heard that they would be facing Legolas. Therefore, Frodo was to be the only hobbit in these two free for alls at the Official Olympics of Middle Earth. 

The day ended with early nights all round, but especially for Sam, who had his second heat in the 100m to face the next day. 

A/N - I would like to apologise to any Britney fans out there who were offended by this chapter. I'm sorry, I have nothing against Britney really. The Britney and also drinking references in this chapter are things continued over from my other LotR story "Why Hobbits should come with a health warning!" Basically they say that Pippin is a bit of a lightweight! 

Just to show how sorry I really am, there will be a special appearance in Chapter 5 from the one and only Legolas - just for all you reviewers who mentioned him. 

Keep pressing that little purple button! 

Rachel xx 


	5. Legolas and a guest appearance from........

Disclaimer - I'm still alive, I'm a girl, and I'm seventeen: therefore, I am not Tolkien. Sorry. I don't claim to own any of this stuff either so don't sue me. You'd make me mad, and I'm not nice to know when I'm mad! Only joking - I'm lovely really! 

A/N - It has come to my attention that there are a few Legolas lovers amongst my reviewers. This chapter is for you. This chapter is also for Frodolover, as it features a very special appearance from one of her apparent favourite characters (aside from the obvious of course!)! Enjoy! 

I would like to apologise to anyone who read the version of this chapter originally posted: I did write the entire chapter (and saved it several times) before posting it. I then went to print it and discovered that not only had my computer disposed of my work, but I had only posted a section of a chapter on fanfiction! Major headache! So.... I am having to rewrite the chapter now (a few days later because I've been away) and repost it! Sorry! 

Chapter 5 - The one with the elf and a surprise character appearance!

It was the night after the very rainy day and the hobbits were asleep in their tent. Except for Sam. He was tossing and turning in fitful rest, an uneasy sensation in his mind. It was playing tricks on him, plaguing him with echoes from the past: familiar voices and sounds. Or so he thought. Could they be real? 

"Fisshh.... fisssshh......precioussss. Preciousssss is hungry. Nice fissshess." 

Gollum, thought Sam. But Gollum was - dead. Wasn't he? 

~* Flashback *~ 

Gollum bit the ring from Frodo's finger. In his joyous victory, he fell into the volcano. The ring landed in the bubbling lava and was unmade. Gollum was not seen again. 

~* End flashback *~ 

"Nice hobbitses..... hobbitses got fissshh..... fissssh for precioussssss....." 

Feeling extremely paranoid, Sam crawled out of his sleeping bag, before emerging from the tent and onto the sodden grass of the field. He switched on Frodo's torch and shone the beam in every direction - there was nothing there. 

"Stupid hobbit Gamgee. You're imagining things again. Shouldn't drink so much." he muttered to himself. 

Now sufficiently weary, Sam crawled back to bed and began his slumber, thinking no more of the traitorous little footpad: Gollum. 

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Sam woke the next morning with little recollection of his paranoia of the night before. Any emotion or remembrance had been replaced by a nervous excitement that had surfaced due to the fact that it was the day of the second heat of his race. 

It was also the day of the drinking contest, which Sam was most displeased about because it meant that he couldn't join in (although watching a very drunk Sam run could be quite amusing!). Frodo, Merry and Pippin all qualified through to the next round, mainly because they were the only participants not completely drunk by luncheon. This could have been for one of two reasons (although it was most likely the first): either Merry and Pippin had substituted the weak ale supplied for the competition use for the strong ale bought for the judges; or the hobbits in the competition all drank like Pippin! Either way, all of the races and further events that morning had to be cancelled because somehow the judges had managed to breach the rules and join in with the drinking. This meant that the hobbits had some free time. 

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Frodo arrived at the field towards the edge of the Olympic village and set up the equipment he had borrowed. He had thought that he would use the free time granted because of Merry and Pippin's prank constructively and hone his archery 'skills'. 

He grasped the bow with his hands and loaded up an arrow. He was just about to release the arrow and let it fly when an amused voice said: 

"You know, you're never going to beat me if you hold it like that." 

Instantaneously, Frodo dropped the bow and arrow and ran towards the owner of the voice. He hugged Legolas tightly, gripping him around the knees. 

"Leggy! What are you doing here? I thought you were holidaying in Lothlorien!" 

"I was, but I heard you were to be challenging me in this competition and came to rescue you. And don't call me Leggy, hobbit boy." 

"Does anyone else know you're here?" 

"Didn't you here the screams?" Legolas shuddered as he referred to the things that scared him most in the world and yet were constantly tailing him: fangirls. 

"Very funny! I meant Fellowship hobbits, I know they would be pleased to see you." 

"Yes, I saw them too. Now do you want some help with this archery or what?" 

With that final comment, the joking ended, and Legolas aided Frodo with his archery. They practised hard, and only stopped because it was time for Sam's rescheduled race. Besides, they both realised that they were hungry. 

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Frodo and Legolas approached the race area cautiously as a host of female hobbits had gathered to watch and Legolas hoped to go unnoticed. No such luck. As they walked across the grassy seating area to where Sam, Merry and Pippin were seated, pippin turned around and saw them. 

"Hey Frodo, Legolas - we saved you some seats." 

A hush fell over the crowd as all eyes were turned to focus on the two newcomers. Then, they erupted. 

"Oh my god, it's Legolas!" A young hobbit screamed. The rest of the female population of the Shire followed suit, running over to meet their idol. Legolas turned to escape, and found that he was completely surround. Mass hysteria had broken out. 

In the commotion, nobody noticed as a small figure slipped inside the starting area. It was a figure that would have shocked most of the hobbits present if he was seen. For this figure was Gollum and, contrary to popular opinion, he was alive and well: just. When he had so cruelly taken the ring from Frodo inside Mount Doom and lost his balance, the ring had met the bubbling lava, but he had not. He had clung desperately onto a small ledge, concealed from the view of Frodo of Sam, until he had been able to haul himself up. His desire for the ring had been destroyed with it, and his focus had now been switched to the downfall of Samwise - the hobbit who had been, in his opinion, so merciless and cruel to him. The Olympics were the perfect opportunity for this. 

"On your marks, get set, GO!" 

The race had begun. Sam ran as fast as he could but was only managing to remain in about ninth position - one behind the qualifying group. He looked back to see how his competitors were faring and spotted Gollum, running desperately and angrily towards him, a crazed look in his large luminous eyes. He was gaining fast. Sam accelerated, exceeding his own expectations of his speed, and sped on - increasing the gap between him and Gollum. He ran and ran and ran, not caring anymore about the race, just wanting to escape. He kept running, not looking where he was going, until - CRASH! Everything went black. 

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"Look - he's waking up!" 

Sam opened his eyes to see three hobbits and an elf crowded around him. They all had very concerned looks upon their faces. 

"What happened? Where am I?" he said. 

"You're in the hospital tent," Frodo answered. "You won the race, but Gollum kept chasing you, and you kept running - straight into a tree." 

"But what about Gollum." 

"He was caught," Merry supplied, "He's been sent to Minas Tirith so Aragorn can deal with him." 

"Oh, right." said Sam, before rolling over and going back to sleep. 

"I think that's our signal to leave!" said Pippin. 

"Yep," said Legolas, "But I think I'm going to follow Sam's lead and turn in for the night." 

"Well it's certainly been an eventful day!" said Frodo. 

A/N - Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, and did I say, sorry! Bit of artistic license used here - don't sue! 

Will be back with chapter 6 asap! 

Thanks for continuing to be wonderful reviewers! 

Rachel xx 


	6. Pippin gets educated, fangirls attack, o...

Disclaimer - As I said in one of my other fics, I really shouldn't have to come up with these by the time I reach chapter 6 (wow - chapter 6!), but....... there you go! I still don't own, or claim to own, anything LotR related (although there's a certain LotR actor I wouldn't mind getting my hands on....) - so don't sue me! I do own some of the Olympic events mentioned with though! 

Chapter 6 - The Final Race - Can Sam go all the way...........

Legolas stayed at the hobbit trials until the day of Sam's final race. He had planned to stay longer, but changed his mind due to the normally sensible female hobbit population's transformation into Legolas blood thirsty fangirls. He hadn't left the hobbit tent for three days, sticking his head out only in the middle of the night when he thought it might be safe to emerge. However, even then he was unable to leave because proper fangirls never ever miss a trick when it concerns possible Legolas sightings, and these ones were no exception. Pippin found the whole debacle hilarious - why would Legolas be so terrified of a group of girls that only came up to his waist? The worst they could do was scream a lot and hug his knees. Legolas, of course, saw things differently: 

"Pippin," he said, "Think of the worst thing in the world that could ever happen to you." 

"Ummmm........." said Pippin in response, "Ummm...... dying of starvation, whilst being taken captive by orcs singing Britney songs...." 

"Now multiply that by a hundred..." 

"Uh, Legolas," said Pippin, "I never learnt maths, I'm not so good with numbers!" 

"It's a figure of speech -" 

"We never learnt English neither...." said Pippin, looking thoroughly confused. 

"Basically, it means that you think of the worst thing ever and then make it a lot, lot worse." 

"Oh. OK, carry on! Actually don't, I'm quite scared now." 

"Good," said Legolas grinning evilly, "That's what fangirls are like." 

"Oh." Pippin repeated. "You're right, they are quite scary. I have fangirls, can I send them back?" 

"No. But if you really can't handle them, send them to Gimli." 

"Why don't you do that?" 

"I've tried. They came back." said Legolas, looking horrified at the remembrance. 

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Sam, meanwhile, had spent the last couple of days in bed with a headache. As Gandalf said, oh so many times, hobbits really are incredibly resilient, and Sam had proved that by coming away from his passing encounter with the tree with little damage but a sore head and a very nice purple bruise. Still, that was enough for Sam, whose injuries had prevented him from doing any training for his really big race. That wasn't to say he wasn't competing though. Sam had accidentally unearthed a new love when he ran to turn the gas off on that fateful day in Hobbiton, and nothing - give or take a few other passionate competitors, was going to stop him from getting to the Olympics. 

Which was precisely why he was sat crying to Frodo 15 minutes before his race was due to start. 

"I can't do it Master Frodo, I can't do it. My head hurts, I want my mummy." 

"Sam." said Frodo, "Why are you in this race?" 

"Because Merry and Pippin signed me up for it....." 

"That's not what I meant Samwise, and you know it! Now, why are you in this race?" 

"Because *sniff* I *sob* won all of my other races." 

"Exactly." said Frodo, hugging him supportively. "You won the last one even with Gollum chasing you." 

"Frodo, I won the last one because Gollum was chasing me." 

"That's not the point Sam. The point is that you can do this, you deserve to be here, and you're gonna win. Got that Gamgee?" 

"Yes Master Frodo!" said Sam, looking determined once again. He stood up. Too fast. 

"Ow!" he cried. 

"Headrush?" said Frodo. 

"Yeah," said Sam weakly. 

"Oh well, you'll get over it!" 

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About 10 minutes later, the crowd sat assembled around the track. Having decided to brave the fangirls, Legolas was present - but he was in disguise. He was originally going to dress as Gandalf, but after Pippin pointed out that the hobbits knew Gandalf and would expect fireworks, he decided to dress as a representative of the King. Merry found the whole thing very amusing, pointing out that Legolas looked far more conspicuous in costume than he did normally, and wasn't the wig going to mess his hair up? 

But I digress..... 

So, the crowd was assembled, Legolas was there and the race was about to start. The runners took up their starting positions and waited for the signal to go. One runner couldn't wait long enough. There was a false start. However, the race was soon underway. Sam needed to come in the first four in order to qualify for the Olympics and Merry and Pippin to win their bet. All eight runners ran as fast as they could, and all eight runners crossed the line within about two seconds of each other. But where had Sam come? 

"The four Hobbits to qualify for the Official Olympics of Middle Earth 100m race are...." the hobbit on the tannoy system announced. The crowd collectively held their breath. "Number 2, number 6, number 17, and number 23." 

Sam wasn't among the qualifying hobbits. His four friends looked dejectedly at the ground. Then the tannoy started up again. 

"We would like to apologise. There has been a mix up with the results. The four hobbits to qualify are Number 2, number 9, number 17 and number 23. My useless friend read the number the wrong way up. Sorry." 

SAM WAS IN. 

Legolas, Merry, Pippin and Frodo jumped out of their seats and cheered, attracting the attention of the entire crowd. In the excitement, none of the friends noticed that Legolas's wig had fallen off. Suddenly, the crowd came to life. 

"LEGOLAS!!!!!!" 

"AAAAIIIIIIII" Legolas screamed and then reverted to shouting some extremely rude things in Elvish, which I will not repeat here. 

The fangirls attacked, Legolas screamed, Merry Pippin and Frodo cheered, and Sam was through to the Olympics. What an eventful way to end the trials. 

A/N - Yes! The trials are finally done and dusted! I will be writing the actual Olympic events from now on: expect to see some of your beautiful faces appearing (especially if you write nice reviews or suggest events!). Thanks so much for all the support! 

Rachel xxx 


	7. Aragorn gets stroppy and Gollum doesn't ...

Disclaimer - I do not own LotR (aside from on dvd and in book form, but that's not the point!), and I am not in any way associated with LotR. I just write mildly amusing little fanfics! 

A/N - Just a little chapter before the Olympics begin. I would like to dedicate it to my favourite reviewers (because they put me on their favourites lists) Frodolover (aka Tigerlily Baggins) and AudreyArwenStrider! This is for you - and just because of that, it features Gollum and (drum roll here.....) Aragorn! Thank you! 

Chapter 7 - Chaos in Olympics central!

It was a chilly day in the middle of December, and Aragorn was holed up in his 'palace' at Minas Tirith. Preparations for the Official Olympics of Middle Earth were well underway - with most of the trials being completed, and now the final arrangements were being made for the Olympics in the summer. This meant that Aragorn was holed up with a stack of paperwork (mainly consisting of the event submission forms), living in chaos and generally being very busy. 

"Aragorn honey, the guards say that Gollum's trying to escape again!" Arwen's melodious voice called up from the stairway. 

"Lock him up then!" Aragorn replied from his study. He really didn't have time for a deviant little ex (well you wouldn't really call him one now, would you!?) hobbit. 

"They've tried that. But he keeps attempting to attack Master Samwise. You know he's visiting with Frodo." 

"Fine. Bring him up here and I'll find something to keep him occupied." 

Ten minutes later, Arwen led Gollum - who was kicking and screaming, up the stairs to the top of the citadel. He was dragged into Aragorn's office and told to sit down. 

"Now Gollum." said Aragorn, "What has Sam done to you this time?" 

"Nasssty hobbitses," said Gollum, "Nassty hobbitses tries to hurt poor precioussss.... tried to tie preciousss up with nassty elf rope." 

"Gollum. How many times have we been through this? Sam has not tried to hurt you. Well, not recently anyway. You tried to hurt him." 

"Nasssty king, you lies to Gollum." 

"Gollum, I'm not going to argue with you." said Aragorn, looking weary and generally very fed up. "But I do want you to make yourself useful." 

"Gollum's alwaysss happy to help nice king Strider. We hurts hobbitses together." 

"Not quite. In that box there is a large model of Mount Doom and 10 rings. I want you to try and throw the rings into Mount Doom." 

"Gollum not throwing preciousss into nasssty mountain." 

"That's not precious." 

"Oh. If Gollum throws ringsss into mountain, Gollum getss nice juicy fisssshess? Yes?" 

"Yes." said Aragorn who, in all honesty, would probably have agreed to anything at this stage if it would get Gollum off his back. 

"Yesssss. Precioussss helps nice king." said Gollum, "Then preciousss getss nassty hobbitsses." he added quietly to himself. 

The rest of the day passed without major incident - except for when Arwen brought Aragorn dinner, only to discover that he had become buried under his paperwork. Gollum perfected the Mount Doom ring toss game - an event that had been designed so that the younger members of each species could participate in the Olympics, and didn't even react when Frodo and Sam paid Aragorn a visit in the afternoon. 

All in all, preparations for the Olympics were running as smoothly as the chaos would allow. 

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On Thursday morning, Aragorn was paid a visit from Legolas. Legolas did not look happy. 

"What happened Legolas? Fangirls steal your shampoo again?" Even though Legolas was his friend, he was not in the mood to deal with anything other than dinner followed by a nice long walk. Although a battle with a few big, ugly orcs would probably provide the same effect. 

"Well. First of all, I got harrassed by some extremely scary fangirls who wanted me to judge the elven beauty pageant. The one I deemed the winner - a beautiful maiden who claimed to go by the name of Salad, became hysterical, and the rest just pounced. They completely destroyed my bow - leaving me unable to compete in the archery tournament. Fortunately, they're letting me qualify anyway - but that's not the point. Then, the dwarves invaded our trials, claiming that we had better events than us, followed by the hobbit fangirls. Everything is mayhem. You're the King - do something." 

"Legolas. Much as I really want to care right now, I really don't have the energy. Go place a complaint with Arwen about your bow - she'll call Galadriel. Now go play with Gollum, you're both as irritating as each other." 

And with that, Aragorn ran off crying to Arwen about how hard it was to be king, Legolas went to find the hobbits in the inn (where Sam was 'helping' Frodo practise for the drinking competition), and Gollum was left to his own devices. 

Big mistake. 

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Gollum had escaped. 

He left Minas Tirith and headed north-west: to Hobbiton, where he was to exact his revenge on Sam. He had concocted an evil plan, and was aiming to carry it out when Sam and Frodo returned to Bag End the following week......... 

A/N - Not as good as previous chapters, I know - but this was just a short one to bring other characters in! As you can see, Aragorn is having difficulties in his new role (paperwork isn't really his thing), and Gollum is turning into a conniving little creature (again)! 

The Olympics will arrive soon (probably not for a couple of weeks cos I'm off on holiday on Tuesday and won't get that far before then), but will it all run according to plan? Keep reviewing and I'll tell you! 

Rachel xx 


	8. Drunken fangirl talk and the final pre O...

Disclaimer - It's not mine, not any of it. You know of what I speak..... (yes I know it should be "You know of whom I speak", but artistic license here people!) Do you really think I'd parody it if I owned it? Actually, I probably would so ignore that last comment. Anyway, I still don't own it, so there! 

A/N - 24, I repeat, 24 reviews! Wow! This story is now in the lead on my little stats page! Thank you so so so so so much! I love you all! 

Chapter 8 - How come you get fangirls, Leggy? All I have is a few orcs and a Gollum....

Legolas, Sam and Pippin were in the inn (Yes I know that sounds funny, but I didn't know if the term 'pub' is used anywhere but Britain!), getting drunk on pints of Minas Tirith's famous 'White City's Best' ale*. They were discussing extremely important issues: such as mushrooms, the importance of getting a good haircut, and (of course) fangirls. 

"I hate them," said Legolas, "They scream, run fast, and root through my rubbish. Plus, did you see some the mail they sent? It's scary!" 

"But they lurve you Leggy!" said Sam, who really should not be allowed to drink. Ever. He gets giggly, and behaves in ways that may be misconstrued by Frodo/Sam slash lovers. 

"And the lovely elven ones we met in Rivendell were kind of sweet," chipped in Frodo. 

"I wish I had fangirls." said Sam, looking very mournful now. 

"You have Rosie," said Legolas, "Trust me, she's loads better than having fangirls." 

"How come you get fangirls, Leggy?" said Frodo, "All I have is a few orcs and a Gollum.... and even he's more interested in Sam now." 

"I'm pretty," said Legolas regretfully, "And you do have fangirls. Remember the ones in Lothlorien, when we visited Galadriel's counselling group last year and were subjected to her horrifically mean and difficult assault course?" 

"Oh yeah. But they were mean and nasty." 

"Well that's what fangirls are." 

"You have some others," said Sam, suddenly deciding to stop humming to himself and repacking his bottomless bag and pay attention to the conversation again. 

"Oooh!" said Frodo, "Who?" 

"Well there's the lovely lady who is writing our adventures down, and there's Tigerlily. They think you're pretty!" 

"Awww, thank you Sam!" responded Frodo. Sam moved closer to Frodo and gave him a big hug. 

"And you'll always have me....." slurred Sam, before getting the hiccups and falling off the bench. 

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The next morning, when they had recovered from their hangovers and were fully awake, Frodo, Sam and Legolas decided to practise their events for the impending (although they were still quite a long way off) Olympics. 

They walked to a deserted grassy area, not far from Minas Tirith, and got their equipment ready. Between them, the companions created a bizarre triathlon: they had two minutes to eat as many mushrooms as they could from a large, pre counted pile; followed by a 100m run; followed by target practice - in which they had to shoot apples from a nearby tree. The winner was the one with the least amount of mushrooms left, combined with the fastest running/apple shooting time, and the prize was dinner with the King and Queen of Gondor. Of course, the prize was one which they could all probably have anyway, but they were all still excited. 

The race was on, the mushrooms were all consumed (Frodo triumphed), and the 100m was being run with convincing speed from Sam and Legolas, while Frodo lagged behind, falling over every now and then. Sam and Legolas, feeling a little bit sorry for him, paused at the archery stage to wait for him. Eventually, he reached them, and the three drew their bows and arrows and prepared to shoot. 

Legolas's arrow flew first. With pinpoint accuracy, he skewered the apple and sent it crashing to the ground. Frodo's followed shortly afterwards and took a similar course. However, he was still having a bit of difficulty with his aim. The arrow flew into the branches. 

"Ow!" a muffled cry came from within the tree. 

"Pip, are you OK?" came another voice. 

"Did you think I just said 'ow' for the fun of it? No, I'm not OK, I'm stuck to the tree." 

A few tugging noises were heard, and then the two hobbits crashed through the lower branches and landed on the ground with a 'thud'. 

"Merry?!" said Sam, dropping his bow and arrow and rushing over to his friend. 

"Pippin!" said Frodo, doing something similar, but without the arrow. 

"What?" said Pippin. "All right, which one of you three idiots did it?" 

"Did what?" said Legolas trying to look innocent. Whatever it was they were talking about he was not going to take the blame. Not this time. 

"Tried to kill me!" 

"Oh that!" said Frodo. "Um...... that was me, I'm afraid. But I didn't try to kill you, I was trying to hit that apple there." 

"And you're gonna compete against Leggy here in the archery at the Olympics?" said Merry, sarcastically. 

"Yes!" 

"Oh dear." 

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"Frodo," said Legolas, later that evening as they lay stargazing after their feast of the leftover mushrooms, "Why do you call me Leggy? You know it irritates the hell outta me." 

"It's short for Legolas," said Frodo, stating the extreme obvious, "And.... you're really tall!" 

"Oh." said Legolas. As you can guess, they hadn't just been participating in the innocent act of stargazing and munching mushrooms, they had also been consuming vast amounts of alcohol. Hence Legolas's sudden stupidity. 

All of a sudden, there was a rustling in the trees, and a high pitched scream. Running was heard, and flashlights were seen. 

"Uh oh." whispered Legolas. 

"We're gonna be arrested aren't we?!" said Pippin, shielding his eyes from the light. "I didn't do it!" he shouted out, "It was all Merry." 

"That's not the police, you Fool of a Took." said Frodo, looking petrified. 

"They're..... fangirls!" said Legolas, running over to the nearest bush and hiding behind it. The stampeding girls ignored him, and rushed over to Frodo. 

"We love you Frodo!" they called. Frodo was in fangirl heaven. Now, if only he could master the archery....... 

A/N - *'White City's Best' ale: copyright MagicalRachel 2002. OK, maybe not - but never mind! 

Right! The Lothlorien fangirls incident is from one of my other stories ('Why Hobbits should come with a health warning', in case you cared!), so if you don't understand that part, then please read it! 

Next chapter - *sings badly* We're off to the Olympics, the wonderful Olympics of..... Middle Earth! Yes! For there will be no more awful transitional chapters in which I attempt to be funny, we're on to the real stuff! However...... (and this is the sad part) you will have to wait for a week and a bit because I'm going to Paris! 

"Yay!" I hear you cry, "No more stupid stories by the crazy English girl!" 

Sob! :( 

Seriously now, thanks for all your support! Please continue to read and review even while I'm on holiday because this all means so much to me! 

Rachel xx 

ps. Gollum will be back soon! 


	9. Let the games begin!

Disclaimer - Unfortunately, it's still not mine. I only own the dvd set, the books and a few bars of chocolate! 

A/N - I'm back! That was just in case you hadn't already worked that one out! I had a fab holiday in Paris, and have now returned refreshed, rejuvenated and ready to take on the Olympics! Plus, I got my AS level results in the post yesterday and am well happy!!!! 

A/N#2 - To all the lovely and possibly slightly mad reviewers out there who continue to write me nice things - I am completely overwhelmed by the support you have showed for this story! I have now reached 30 reviews!!!!!!!! 

Chapter 9 - Well we made it this far...... So let the games begin!

It had finally arrived. The day that everyone in Middle Earth had been anticipating for the last year: the opening day of the Official Olympics of Middle Earth. 

*Mysterious disembodied voice speaks over a rusty tannoy system* 

"We interrupt this broadcast to inform you of the activities of our *cough* heroes over the last year. 

Frodo Baggins has been sighted in an area north of Hobbiton shooting random things within his line of vision in his attempts to challenge the infamous and increasingly popular Legolas of Mirkwood to the archery title. He has also been seen trying to out stare anything that will sit still long enough. One of his brave volunteers sat for so long that she fainted and was only revived when Legolas appeared. We are unsure of her name - she travels only as "Empress Greenleaf". 

Legolas himself has been sighted running: a lot. Generally from the as yet unidentified species we have come to refer to as fangirls. We had arranged an interview with him, but he vacated the premises about ten minutes ago due, or so I am told, to the sudden appearance of twenty or so young female hobbits. 

Samwise Gamgee has retained something of a low profile, but we are informed by a 'close personal friend' that he has been in hard training for both the 100m race and the mushroom eating contest. He has also been attending to his new wife and baby daughter. We send our congratulations. 

Meriadoc Brandybuck and Peregrin Took have not been seen for six weeks - since an incident in Minas Tirith involving alcohol and Britney Spears songs...... We are sure that they are up to their usual tricks and will cause havoc at the Olympics in the next few days. 

The King Elessar was last seen buried under a pile of paperwork. He sends his best wishes for all participants and....... 

*Pause* 

We have just received a newsflash concerning the whereabouts of the escaped Gollum. He has been spotted hunting for fish in the river Isen. 

Thank you for your attention. We will now return to the original programming." 

*Rusty tannoy switched off after five minutes of expletives because the disembodied voice couldn't find the switch* 

Anyway..... where were we? Ah yes! The opening day of the Olympics! Well, that leads us to what no opening day would be complete without - the opening ceremony. 

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Dawn broke over the Olympic Village (although really it should be called a city - it was that big), which was situated in Gondor, a couple of days riding out from Minas Tirith. The location was buzzing: a combination of frenzied last minute preparations, expectant crowds who had arrived early to claim the best seats and, of course, anxious participants themselves. As soon as second breakfast for the hobbit section was downed and the washing up was done the ceremony was to begin. 

"Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls..... I am proud to present to you King Elessar, the host of the first Official Olympics of Middle Earth!" the tannoy roared to life throughout the Olympic Stadium. The crowd went silent, and Aragorn and Arwen entered the stadium through the elaborate elvish carved entrance. It took the crowd a few moments to recognise the king as, upon the advice (followed by fierce threats) of Arwen, he had both visited the barbers and had a wash! But that's another story....... 

Accompanying the King and his beautiful bride were the remainder of the fellowship, adorned in fanciful costumes. With the exception of Legolas. He was nowhere to be seen. The entire female assemblage of the crowd seemed to realise this simultaneously, as a hush - followed by boos and disappointed sobs - fell on them. 

Suddenly there was a deafening series of bangs as fireworks exploded in all directions and Legolas flew in on Gwahir, the giant eagle. Everyone cheered as Legolas was flown around the stadium, maintaining a safe distance between himself and his fangirls. As he soared, Legolas waved at the crowd - basking in the attention and reading all of the banners written for him: "Legolas! Marry me!" The rest, I will not utter here, as they are not suitable for those of a nervous disposition. 

Anyway, eventually everyone who was supposed to be there was assembled in the centre of the stadium. The crowd sat, restless with excitement as everyone waited to see what the ceremony would bring. A short man jogged to meet the group of 'performers' and handed out objects. Suddenly, the group (or 'fellowship plus a few' as we shall now call them) started to dance, and cheer (cheerleader style but without the short skirts), and generally act as if they were all completely drunk. Then a representative from each race participating in the Olympics sang the appropriate anthem - in full, with actions. Well..... except for the ents. If they did, then the Olympics would never get started! However, not all of the anthems were as you would expect: for instance, the hobbits had spent their allotted composing time eating mushrooms and getting drunk, so their anthem consisted of several verses about mushrooms, alcohol and hairy feet. 

After about three hours of revelry, the ceremony began to draw to a close. Sam had been the lucky person chosen to carry the Olympic flame (they drew straws), and so carry it he did. However, in Middle Earth nothing was ever that simple, and Sam was pursued...... by Gollum, who looked incredibly evil and possibly possessed. The time to wreak his revenge had come! 

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A/N - Soooooo....... *grins evilly* I have a challenge for you - what will Gollum's revenge be? Suggestions on a postcard to.... No! Just put them in your reviews! I don't mind what you suggest as long as it's not particularly offensive and doesn't kill anyone off - that would be mean! I will feature the best one in chapter ten! 

Thank you again for your continuing support! I will write more soon, and I promise that in the next chapter the Olympic events will begin! No more transitionals! 

Rachel xx 


	10. Fissssh..... fissssh - What's Gollum don...

Disclaimer - Sorry to disappoint you, but I'm not Tolkien or one of his distant relatives. So I don't own LotR. I'm not from the movie either: if I was I would have run off with Elijah Wood by now...... Oh! And I don't own the Olympics. 

A/N - They've finally arrived! 

Thankyou to the ever wonderful Tigerlily for her contribution to this chapter - she came up with Gollum's revenge on Sam! 

Chapter 10 - Eeeeek there's a Gollum on the loose! Oh, and the Olympic events start too.....

"Sam!" cried Frodo, "Sam look out!" 

It was the opening ceremony of the Official Olympics of Middle Earth and Sam, who was carrying the Olympic flame, was being pursued (once again) by a Gollum who looked intent on revenge. 

Sam ran, as fast as he could, in an attempt to escape the murderous Gollum. The crowd cheered thinking that, like Legolas arriving on Gwahir, this was all part of the show. Little did they know...... 

Anyway, like I said, Sam was running (very fast considering that he was carrying a large flaming torch) but, unfortunately for him, he failed to see the several officials that were situated at the exit of the stadium. CRASH! Sam ploughed into the men and then fainted dead away. 

Gollum took this as his opportunity to leave with his prize. He dragged the heavy form of Samwise out of the stadium and into a small, empty, store cupboard in the changing room. Locking the door, he slapped the side of Sam's face so he woke up. 

"Gollum?!" said Sam once the world had slid back into focus. 

"Nasssty hobbitses..... nassty hobbitses bad to poor precious. Starves preciousss and ties him with nasssty elf rope....." Gollum paused as he shuddered at the thought. "Nasssty elves with their bright eyes...." 

"Yeah so why have you brought me here?" said Sam. Gollum didn't scare him anymore. He just made him mad, very mad - especially after he bit off Frodo's finger. 

"Preciousss has come to get revenge on nassty hobbitses...... preciouss was going to kill nassty hobbitses but has changed mind.... a better punisshment." 

"What?" 

"Fisssh." 

"Fish?!" 

"Preciouss has been fisshing in nice river Isen, caught juicy fisssh. Was sooooo hungry but saved fisssh for nassty hobbitses...." 

"Hang on," said Sam, "All you want me to do is eat fish?" 

"Fisssh...." repeated Gollum, "Fisssh as they should be, ssscaly and ssssilvery, not spoiled by nasssty red tonguesss...." 

~*Meanwhile*~ 

"I can't find him anywhere," said Aragorn, wringing his hands in concern. He didn't like to admit it, but he would miss the halfling - even more so when they found the strangled form that was doubtlessly abandoned in the stadium somewhere. 

"I *hic* never *sob* got to say goodbye...." said Frodo, crying into Legolas's knees. 

"Frodo, Sam's a survivor - I'm sure he's fine," said Legolas, not really believing it. 

"Yeah," said Merry, looking rather pale, "Sam'll be fine - he had the flaming torch, remember, and it's broad daylight. You know how much Gollum hates the light." 

"Well, we looked everywhere," said Gimli, as he returned from the search with several elves and the odd dwarf. "He is nowhere to be found. I think we should fear the worst." 

The sound of Gimli's voice filled the entire stadium. The crowd fell silent. The only sound that could be heard was the sound of Frodo's sobs. 

~*Meanwhile, we go back to Gollum and Sam...*~ 

"Raw fish?! You want me to eat RAW fish?!" 

"Fisssh. Nice, beautiful fissssh for nasssty hobbitses...... or hobbitsess not live to tell the tale....." Gollum gave an evil smile and flexed his long, thin fingers. Sam gulped, believing that Gollum could actually kill him if given the opportunity. 

"Fine. Fine. I'll eat the fish. Then will you let me go?" 

"Only if nassty hobbitses cooks preciousss fisssh and chipsss, as nasssty Sssam promissed long time ago..." 

"OK" 

Suddenly there was a series of loud thumps as the door to the cupboard was kicked in. 

"Oh Sam, Sam you're alive!" cried a still sobbing Frodo. 

"Uh huh. That I am," Sam replied. 

"I thought I'd lost you Sam. Someone once said to me, I think it might have been Rosie, 'don't you lose him Frodo Baggins, and I don't mean to....'" 

"Well I'm here, and so's Gollum. He was going to make me eat raw fish...." 

"EEEEWW!" shouted just about everyone within hearing range. 

"Fissssh, beautiful ssshiny fisssh!" protested Gollum. 

Aragorn then grabbed Gollum's hand and led him away to his special Olympics office in the stadium. 

"But no revenge on nasssty hobbitses...." 

"I'll cook you fish and chips Gollum!" shouted Sam as Gollum was taken away. 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- After the havoc that was the opening ceremony and the dramatic events concerning Gollum and Sam, the Fellowship and the other participants in the Olympics were quite happy for the races to begin. They added a sense of almost normality to the strange proceedings. Due to the sheer number of Olympic events being held, several were going to have to be held at once - meaning, therefore that many events may only be summarised as I can only be in one place at a time! And you thought I was all powerful.... 

The first event that we shall witness will be a dwarvish event: the rock hewing event, where each participant has to break down ten pieces of rock with their axe and find the diamonds inside. The dwarf with the fastest time will win the event. 

Pippin, Merry, Sam and Frodo (as well as Legolas, but he was sat up in the top box to avoid excited fangirls) sat to watch the event and cheer Gimli on: for he, of course, was participating. 

"Did they let girl dwarves join in?" said Pippin staring at the dwarves in amazement. 

"I don't think so....." said Merry. 

"Are you sure?" said Pippin, "Cos some of those dwarves there look mighty girly to me. They've got dresses and everything." 

"Pippin you ninnyhammer (as my Gaffer would say), didn't you learn anything on our quest? Female dwarves are bearded as well as male dwarves!" said Sam. (A/N - I'm not entirely sure if this is true, but in my Tolkien book it doesn't say that they don't.) 

"Ohhhh..." said Pippin, turning back to watch the event that was taking place. 

Gimli won the event, as you would expect. I would describe it in detail, but there's really not that much to describe - bis of rock and diamond went flying everywhere and one dwarf was taken to the hospital area clutching his eye and screaming in agony, but aside from that it wasn't that exciting. 

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The other event that occurred on the opening day was the Mount Doom Ring Toss, as roadtested by Gollum. This ended with a tie, and both winners receiving shiny medals. The winners were Audrey and Tigerlily, and in the interview they gave afterwards, they said that the best prizes were not the medals, but the hugs they received from Frodo and Legolas. Tigerlily was later nearly arrested - for breaking into the restricted area and attempting to hug the king and Gollumnap..... well, Gollum! Acch! Preciousss....... 

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A/N - Yay! I finally wrote an Olympics chapter! I'm so sorry that this chapter took soooooo long - a combination of a lack of ideas, and the fact that I've been writing a new fic! 

Keep pressing that little purple button....... you know you want to! 

Rachel xx 

ps. THANKYOU!!!! 


	11. Weirdness (also known as writer's block)...

Disclaimer - They're* not mine! It's that simple! 

*LotR and the Olympics in case you are thinking of suing! 

A/N - Aaaaaaaaaahhhhhh! The evil that is writer's block! *Bangs head against table* Can't think of good ideas!! I apologise in advance of your reading this. 

Chapter 11 - Has Frodo been watching too much TV? (Also known as 'Do they have opticians in Middle Earth?') 

Day three of the Official Olympics of Middle Earth (A/N - Yes I do know which fic is which!), and once more there was chaos in Olympics central. Gollum refused to stay in his 'cell' in Aragorn's office, and kept trying to escape to experience Sam's cooking. 

"Fissssh...... precioussss is sssooo hungry..... fissssh and chipsss from nasssty hobbitses...." said Gollum for about the 357000 time that day. He had been there for three days and was averaging at about a million times per day! So as you can surely imagine, Aragorn was experiencing very high stress levels. He needed someone to supervise Gollum, but who would be brave (or mad) enough to want to look after Gollum? Aragorn thought long and hard.............. before finally coming up with two names: Tigerlily and Audrey. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Meanwhile, the main event of the day was about to take place in the stadium. It was possibly the toughest event (with the exception of archery against Legolas), and so had only two participants to challenge the current title holder (note that this title was from the Middle Earth games in the second age). These participants were Frodo Baggins and an elf called Aldawen of Rivendell, and the event was the long awaited staring contest against Celeborn. 

"So are you ready to go Mr Frodo?" said Sam from where they were sat backstage, waiting to go into the main arena. Aldawen the elf was already in the stadium, about to take up her challenge. 

"I think so Sam. I mean, how hard can it be?" 

"You'd be surprised. And don't forget about the crowd that'll be watching you." 

"OK" said Frodo, not at all worried because he didn't really think that he would attract a crowd. 

Five minutes later, Aldawen was out of the competition, with a time of four minutes and 57 seconds. It was Frodo's turn. 

Frodo stepped into the arena, stunned to see that quite a crowd had turned out to see him and cheer him on. Although, he mused, it could have just been the Legolas fangirls who had turned up early to make sure that they got the best seats for his event later that day. 

He approached the place where he was to sit, and looked upon his opposition. Celeborn gazed down on him menacingly, making Frodo quake slightly and stumble onto his chair. The judge of the event stood between the two chairs and reset his timer. 

"OK, are you ready?" said the judge person. 

"As ready as I'll ever be," said Frodo. 

"Bring it on hobbit boy," said Celeborn. 

"Then let the event begin." 

So they stared. And stared. And stared some more. One minute, two minutes, twenty three minutes, three quarters of an hour............... Even Gollum was starting to fall asleep. 

Two hours and fifty eight minutes later. Celeborn looked away. 

"Arrrggghh!!!! I just can't take it anymore. I want to go home!" He got up and walked away to find Galadriel. 

Frodo just sat there. 

"Mr Baggins?" said the judge, "Uh, Mr Baggins? The event's over. You were victorious - you can go now." 

Still no response. Frodo's eyes remained wide and glassy. 

After five minutes of waiting in vain for Frodo to get up, two officials came into the arena with a stretcher and carried him off to the hospital area. 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Frodo? Frodo?" said Pippin as he waved his hand in front of Frodo's face, hoping to induce a reaction - although preferably not a violent one. 

The people in the hospital tent had been baffled as to Frodo's condition, saying that this sort of thing normally happened when young elves and children had been watching too much television. They advised the Fellowship to just let him rest it off. And so that was what they were doing. Resting and waiting. 

"Do they have opticians in Middle Earth?" said Merry to Aragorn. 

"What do you think?" 

"Uhhhh..... no?!" 

"Got it in one. If only we were nearer the Shire or Rivendell. I know just the plant that would heal this. Or Lord Elrond could work his magic...." Aragorn paused as he took an anxious glance towards his office - where he had left Tigerlily and Audrey playing with Gollum. He wondered if there was any office left, or if it was just a large crater with papers floating around! 

"I've got an idea!" said Sam suddenly - making Aragorn jump about a foot and a half into the air. Sam rooted around in his bag (yes that bottomless bag again!) and pulled out a large parcel that smelled suspiciously of......... 

"Mushrooms!!!!" said Frodo, sitting up, his eyes returning to normal and a smile appearing on his face. 

"Well done Sam!" said Aragorn. 

"Yes, very well done," chimed in Gandalf, who had come to see what all the fuss was about, "I couldn't have thought of a better idea myself." 

"Tis very high praise indeed sir," said Sam. 

"So......" said Frodo, "I have two questions. Did I win, and can I have the mushrooms now?" 

"Yes on both counts!" said Aragorn. 

"I have a question too!" said Pippin, "What's a television?" 

"Fool of a Took!" muttered Gandalf. 

The laughter that followed Gandalf's comment was interrupted by a large crash coming from the direction of Aragorn's office. Before anyone could ask 'what was that?' Aragorn had raced upstairs to examine the cause of the commotion. 

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The door creaked open and two very red faced, ruffled looking, girls were stood face to face with the King. Gollum was sat in the corner, eating the fish that Sam had cooked him during the excruciatingly long staring contest. Tigerlily and Audrey looked up guiltily, though not without little squeals of delight. 

"What has been going on here?" said Aragorn attempting to look authoritative. 

"We....uh....." said Audrey. 

"We....... gotboredwithGollumbecausehewasbeinggoodandsowedecidedtoraidyourcupboardtoseeiftherewasanythinginterestinginthere...... andthenwefoundyourcrownbuthadanargumentoverwhowouldwearitfirst......" said Tigerlily. 

"And that's what the noise was!" Audrey said, finishing off the story. 

"Funny isn't it!" said Tigerlily as they edged towards the door. 

"Can you please repeat what you said - in English this time..." said Aragorn, looking bemused. 

"We got bored with Gollum because he was being good and so we decided to raid your cupboard to see if there was anything interesting in there..... and then we found your crown but had an argument over who would wear it first." 

"Except we didn't actually go in your cupboard, because that would be rude!" 

"Are we in trouble?" said Tigerlily. 

"No. Gollum's enough to send anyone up the wall. You can go now." 

Tigerlily turned to leave, with Aragorn and the rest of the Fellowship looking on. She waved at Gollum - who gave a small grunt of acknowledgement. Audrey, however, stood as if she was struggling with a very hard decision. She wavered slightly, before suddenly grabbing Aragorn and giving him a huge hug, and then taking Tigerlily's hand and running off! 

"Fissssh...." said Gollum, from his corner of the room. 

It had been an interesting day! 

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A/N - Bad, bad chapter! Please don't flame - I'm attempting to shake off the writer's block! Things will improve - honest! 

Sorry if I have offended you in any way - Audrey and TL, I just thought that you'd written enough reviews between you to feature! I hope that you found it mildly amusing! 

The next chapter might take a while to appear because I go back to school tomorrow...... :( 

Now press that little purple button before I decide on my next victims to subject to Gollum sitting....... 

Thanks! 

Rachel xx 


	12. Fangirl shooting, knicker wearing it mus...

Disclaimer - None of the wonderful characters used in this fan fiction belong to me - would it still be classed as fan fiction if the characters were mine? No? I didn't think so! The LotR lot belong to the Tolkien estate, and any reviewers who are used belong to themselves! The Olympics isn't mine either - it belongs to, well, whoever it belongs to! 

A/N - I broke the 40, I broke the 40 *does a little dance, before falling over Frodo style*! Eeeeek! I cannot believe that! If anyone told me that after 11 chapters I would have had 44 reviews, I would have told them they were insane! Sorry, I'm just really excited! 

I am SO SO SO SO SORRY for not updating in absolutely ages! I have been so busy with school - plus I celebrated my 18th birthday at the weekend! :) 

At the request of various people, this chapter illustrates the archery contest featuring a certain blonde elf! Enjoy! 

Chapter 12 - I don't think that the fangirls were supposed to be used for target practice Legolas!

Aragorn walked out into the main arena on a particularly crowded day of the Olympics. The assembled crowd, which consisted mainly of young female inhabitants of Middle Earth (from virtually every race, except the ents: the entwives were still missing at the time of going to press), went wild - chanting incoherent words repeatedly and waving their underwear in the air. The reason for their excitement? Two words: "archery" and "Legolas". 

It was, of course, a forgone conclusion that Legolas would win the archery contest. He was far from being the only contestant though, as Frodo was participating, and so were Haldir of Lothlorien, some of Legolas's kinsmen, and Gandalf. (Yes, Gandalf) It was also rumoured that the King himself was due to partake. Either way, no one really expected Legolas to have any real struggle in winning the competition. 

It may then come as a surprise to you that Legolas was nervous. Extremely nervous: he had taken to sucking his thumb and curling up in the foetal position in one of the changing rooms backstage. Frodo was sent to comfort him. 

"I don't know what you're so worried about Leggy," said Frodo, "Even after all the practice we did I'm still not that good!" 

"I'm not worried about that!" said Legolas, although his words weren't quite as clear as that because of the presence of the thumb in his mouth. 

"Well then why are you shaking like an ent who's been caught in a hurricane? 

"F....fffff.....fff..." 

"Spit it out Leggy, I haven't got all day!" 

"Fangirls." 

"Oh." 

"Exactly. The place is swarming, and there's nothing between the stands and the arena to protect me!!!! I'm scared Frodo, hold me." 

"Um.... OK." said Frodo, giving his shaky elf friend a hug. "Can't you shoot them if they come near you?" 

"Nope. I already asked." 

"Dammit! That would have been a fun game!" said Frodo, before imagining the legal implications and changing his mind on the matter. 

"Yeah well......" 

"Oooh! Oooh! I got a better idea!" said Frodo. 

"What? What?" said Legolas, imitating Frodo's excited jumping up and down. 

"Imagine them all naked...... oh, no, wait - that's for stage fright." 

"Frodo, you halfwit halfling.... that would GIVE me stage fright! Not to mention nightmares and a HUGE counselling bill." 

Frodo pondered this idea for a moment, wondering if it worked in reverse. You know, if the fangirls imagined Legolas naked, would they need counselling..... and how easy was it to set up your own counselling group? He and Sam could make a fortune! But then he dismissed it on the grounds that it could never happen! 

"Legolas Greenleaf.... you're up next!" said one of the assistants backstage. 

"Uh huh..." replied Legolas, "Just give me a minute, I have to fix my hair." 

"They'll love you anyway!" said Frodo. 

"Good point." said Legolas, "I'll leave the hair as it is." 

"You needn't worry anyway, mate," said the assistant (we'll call him John - just so he has a name), "The elf who was just on was so bad that they're wondering whether the poor old dwarf dear he hit will still have both eyes tomorrow." 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Legolas looked out into the almost empty centre of the arena he had just entered. The judges table was to one side, approximately 45º to the left of the targets the competitors were expected to hit. The arena was packed, as mentioned before with every race of fangirl imaginable - all of whom started to scream louder than ringthirsty ringwraiths on Weathertop at the sight of their idol. 

Legolas took a deep breath and stepped up to his mark, constantly fiddling with his bow to check it was in order. After all, whether it was against the rules or not, he wanted to be able to protect himself if security failed and the fangirls escaped into the main area where he was. He raised his head to scrutinise the target area and waited for the signal. 

"When you're ready then Mr Greenleaf," said the judging elf. It was only afterwards that he realised that this was his father. 

I'd better get this over with, thought Legolas, before loading and shooting his first arrow of ten. 

Pow! Dead centre! 

He moved a few paces to the right, where the mark for the second target was. This target was higher and further away. Legolas raised his bow so that his arrow was in line with the target and prepared to shoot. Suddenly, something landing on his head, impairing his sight. Surprised and unprepared for the blindness, he released the arrow. A scream from the crowd informed Legolas that maybe the arrow hadn't gone quite where he wanted. 

Thoroughly irritated, Legolas dropped his bow and removed the soft object from his head. Underwear, he noted disgustedly, clean underwear at that, but still underwear. He held up the offending knickers and balled them up in his hand before throwing them at the crowd. The hobbit girl who caught them was shortly taken away by medics to tend the injuries she had received through being crushed. 

Having temporarily forgotten why he was stood in the middle of the Olympic arena, Legolas resumed his part in the contest and looked to see where his arrow had landed. He didn't really want to end up in prison for manslaughter, but he couldn't see any screaming fangirls anywhere (well not ones that were screaming in agony anyway). In a last desperate attempt to discover the whereabouts of his arrow, he surveyed the target area, only to discover that, not only had he hit the appropriate target, but he had hit a bullseye! 

Fortunately for Legolas, the rest of the event went slightly more smoothly. Well, apart from the arrow that missed because an escaped fangirl chose the very moment he was firing it to grab him tightly round the waist. It's just as well there were no birds flying above the stadium at that moment in time. 

As nine of the ten arrows had hit the target in some way (with 8 of them hitting dead centre), Legolas had won the contest. Nobody was really surprised, but the fangirls screamed anyway. After the last contestants had fired their arrows, the prizes were awarded. In last place was Frodo, but he didn't mind because he got an honourable mention and a little rosette for trying hard! One of Legolas' kinsmen from Mirkwood came third and Haldir of Lorien came second. The walked up to the podium and were awarded their respective medals before Legolas joined them. The gold medal was placed carefully around his neck, as not to disturb his hair, and a good 100,000 flash bulbs went off as the fangirls captured their idol's triumphant moment forever. Despite his apprehensions, Legolas smiled appreciatively and waved at the crowd. 

What a stupid thing to do. 

As he waved, there was a chorus of: "Oh Eru, Legolas just waved at me!!!! Leggy I love you!" 

And security failed. Legolas's bow was in the changing room. As the crowds surged into the middle of the arena, he did what any elf in his right mind would do - RUN! The earth shook as the fangirls chased. 

Legolas was last sighted somewhere in Fangorn forest. Where the fangirls have gone, I don't know, but Treebeard won't be happy when he sees the state of the trees in Fangorn! 

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A/N - Hmmm..... strange ending! Pretty inconclusive really, but I didn't know what else to put! 

If you have any ideas for chapter 13 please email them to me. I've already have one story kicked off and I don't want it happening again! If you have any nice things to say or good, constructive criticism, then please write me a review! 

I hope that this was something like worth the wait! 

Rachel xxx 

ps. If you wanted to keep up with my fic "The Fellowship Goes Big Sister!" then please email me or visit my bio page for details of where to find it! 


	13. The elves get muddy, the fans get cameos...

Disclaimer -  I have a bedroom full of Elijah posters, a pair of Frodo pyjamas, two FotR DVD sets, and all three books. However..... I do not own, or claim to own for that matter, Lord of the Rings. I also don't own the concept of the Olympics. Or the contents of Legolas's bathroom cabinet. 

A/N -  I'm BACK!!! That was a very, very long time to go without updating! 

Wow! 50 reviews! I am very impressed! This chapter is dedicated to Legolasina for being great and putting me on her favourites list, to Ailsa Joy for being my 50th reviewer and asking if I wanted to be in her fic, and also to Audrey and Tigerlily for being my mates and kicking some Josh Hartnett a**! LOOK OUT FOR YOUR CAMEOS!!!!! 

Chapter 13 - Unlucky for some....

The stadium was empty, an eerie silence filling the space, only to be replaced with the echoing of pounding feet. The clouds drifted away from the moon, casting a strange blue light on the tracks, and revealing a small figure jogging slowly around the circumference. The clouds returned and all was dark. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Merry woke at about 3am to be confronted with an empty bed next to his. Frodo lay sleeping peacefully on the other side of the vacant bed, and Pippin was snoring gently on Merry's other side - but Sam was nowhere to be seen. Merry waited for him to return, assuming that he had got up to get a glass of water or simply to relieve himself. Five minutes. Ten minutes. Twenty three minutes. The hobbit did not return. 

Knowing that he would probably regret this decision in a few moments Merry clambered out of his own warm bed, grabbed a jacket, and left the environment that had become home to him whilst the hobbits were in the Olympic village. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Sam heard the creak of the gate at the entrance to the stadium, but he ignored it. He also ignored the tiredness that was coursing through his form as he continued to jog. So getting up at 2.30am to train for his big race hadn't been the best idea he'd ever had, but he didn't want to make a fool of himself when everyone was expecting so much of him. Especially Rosie, for she, as well as his baby daughter Elanor, would be attending the Olympics to watch him run. And this time, he thought, it was for real - not just a hobbit race. He had something to prove, that diminutive size does not count for anything: especially in athletics. His heart thumping, he sped up and began to sprint. 

Once he had stepped into the cold night air, Merry considered where his friend may have gone. Not to the inn, that was for certain, as he wouldn't want to risk anything before his big race. His big race. Merry paused and rubbed his hands together to ward off the cold. He would be training. 

3.03 am. Not usually a time when halflings are awake. Merry crept through the passage that formed the entrance to the arena, listening for the once steady pounding of hobbit feet on the track. Nothing. He walked into the shaft of moonlight that had cast itself on the ground and surveyed the now illuminated stadium. Sam was there all right. There asleep on the track. 

"Sam!" hissed Merry. "Sam! Wake up - the race is about to start!" 

"WHAT?!" cried Sam as he bolted upright. "Hey......." he added when he saw that it was still dark and the stadium was empty. "What did you wake me up for?" 

"Sam, I hardly think that the Olympic stadium is the best place for a nap." 

"I wasn't sleeping.... I was....." he looked over at Merry who was laughing incredulously. "I was running." 

"Was that in the little dream you were having down there?" 

"NO! I got up, to train, and then I ran." 

"And then you fell asleep...." 

"Well, yes.... but, I was practising before so I don't make a ninnyhammer of myself in front of Mr Frodo, and the Gaffer, and Rose, and little Leaner, and Lord Elrond, and Legolas and Gandalf...." Sam laughed nervously, "...if you take my meaning Mr Merry." 

Merry didn't answer. He knew there was a reason why he wasn't a night person. 

Sam shrugged and followed his retreating friend back to get some sleep. 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The day of the race dawned damp and grey. A gloom seemed to be hung about the Olympic village, repressing the spirits of even the happiest hobbit. Visibility in Gondor was poor, and this much rain and low cloud hadn't been seen there since......... well, since before they began writing things down. 

This pleased Sam immensely. What with the Shire being further north than Gondor and all, the hobbits were used to the rain, and so gave Sam an advantage in the race. Well, that was his theory - whether it would work was another matter. 

Other events to take place that day were the elven poise race (running an obstacle course with a book balanced on your head), the egg and spoon race of the men of Rohan and Gondor, the final of the hobbits piggyback race, and something to do with the shortest time in which you could chant your full name - which, of course, was an ent only event! Unfortunately for you, the wonderful reader, we will not be visiting that event because entish is a very long and complicated language, and is difficult to spell! The event lasted all day anyway.... 

The elven poise event, however, is a completely different thing altogether.... 

Naturally Legolas was participating, as were Haldir, Elladen and Elrohir, Arwen, Glorfindel, Figwit and some of the kin alike to Haldir: Maikasiwëiel, Mallainiel, Sindathangien, Firnnovion, Menewathiel, Aradurion and Telepathradiel*. Ordinarily, this would not have been the most interesting event to take place, as elves have a knack of getting things right and looking good, but we must take into account the mudslide that now filled the arena. Oh yes. Elves, books, BIG obstacles, and mud. Lots of it! 

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Legolas was in the backstage area, waiting for the call for the start of the race. He wasn't nervous this time: why should he be? After all, he had won every race he had participated in so far in the Olympics. But this one, he thought, as he adjusted his oldest tunic, was different. There was no nervousness, but there was fear. Fear he would make the biggest idiot imaginable out of himself and be unable to face anyone in Middle Earth ever again. The mud was the cause of this but, he reasoned, attempting to calm himself down and regain some of the poise necessary to win the elven poise race, the worst that could happen was that none of the fangirls would like him anymore. That was never a bad thing. 

Legolas smiled and edged away from Firnnovion, who had been slowly sliding herself towards him as he had been thinking...... 

In the end, Legolas needn't have worried. Yes, there was mud, but there were also other elves who would struggle with this. Arwen (yes this is one for all you Arwen bashers) was this elf. As she mounted the slippery seesaw, her book wobbled and fell into the quagmire. This wouldn't have been too much of a disaster in itself if Glorfindel hadn't chosen that particular moment to attempt the seesaw himself. I'll just say that a muddy, mad, messy Arwen isn't a pretty sight. She lost the race, but gained some revenge when she ensured that Glorfindel got disqualified for misconduct. Well she is the King's wife..... 

The winner, however, was the elf named Telepathradiel who, despite being caked in brown, sticky mud, was overjoyed at beating Legolas (who came a very disgruntled third, behind Elrohir. He fell on his backside during the running part see...). Arwen, however, was not amused at this and, feeling that she would have won had it not been for the foul play directed at her, started a mud fight. Extremely becoming for a several thousand year old elf and her peers! 

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The mud fight was broken off at noon, and the elves and assorted other Middle Earth beings, including a certain two troublesome hobbits, were escorted out of the stadium so that it could be cleared as well as possible for the big race of the day: Sam's race. For yes, the free for all 100m race was still to occur - even in the mudslide. 

After much scrubbing and mopping by the stray fangirls who had decided to try and catch a glimpse of Legolas and Figwit in the shower (no not together), the arena was finally clean enough for the race to begin. 

Sam joined his fellow competitors at the starting line and surveyed the crowd for signs of his friends and family. He smiled as he spotted their banners amongst the seemingly endless sea of Legolas ones, and then blushed when he realised that his companions were actually seated with Aragorn in the judging box. The 'Samwise Gamgee Fangirls Association' had come out in force! 

"Are you ready?" called the announcer man. The runners nodded grimly. After all, this race came with the highest regarded accolade of them all..... Not to mention the proceeds from the bet Merry and Pippin had made with the Bree hobbits all that time ago! 

"On your marks...." said the announcer as he switched his megaphone on. Sam braced himself. 

"Get set...." he thought of how proud Rosie would be if he won this. 

"GO!" 

Sam cast his eyes to the still slippery ground and ran as he had never run before. 

"GO SAM GO!!!!" called many of the crowd. Sam lifted his head in shock, and noted that he was nowhere near the winner. Blood pounding in his heart and throughout his small body, he accelerated as much as he could, forcing himself to move faster. He was in third now. That was enough for him, third place, he expected no more. 

Sam was beginning to feel dizzy now, but he was in the last 10 metres or so, and in near site of the finish line. He put on a final burst of speed and thanked Eru that he had trained that morning. The others had stopped running, the stadium had gone blurry, and he collapsed in a heap on the track. One final thought went through his head as he succumbed to the blackness caused by the over exertion: I failed them. 

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A few seconds later, a crowd had converged around Sam. The exhausted hobbit opened his eyes to see the smiling throng. The tannoy system announced the results. Sam didn't even bother listening, he wasn't in the final three...... 

"And, the winner of the free for all 100m race in the first Official Olympics of Middle Earth is........... Samwise Gamgee." 

Sam's mouth fell open with shock. 

The stadium erupted with cheers. 

Such a noise had never been heard in Middle Earth. 

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A/N - Awwwwwwwwww....... that was my favourite chapter to write! Sam won! 

* The translations (created using the MiddleEarth name generator on barrowdowns.com): 

Maikasiwëiel - Michelle 

Mallainiel - Audrey 

Sindathangien - Anna 

Firnnovion - Amy (which I believe is Legolasina's real name) 

Menewathiel - Rachel 

Aradurion - Chris 

Telepathradiel - Ailsa 

Well, as you may have heard, I plan on finishing this story after 15 chapters! If you have anything you would like in before then, or have noticed any loose ends within this story that have yet to be tied up, then please let me know! 

I thank you all once again for the fantastic support and friendship from everyone :) 

Please review!!!!!!! 

Rachel xxx 


	14. You have a nervous disposition? Turn bac...

Disclaimer -  It's still not mine..... :( Neither's the Olympics....... 

A/N -  Well.... this is the penultimate chapter! Thankyou for all the fantastic support I have received for the writing of this story! Enjoy! 

Chapter 14 - Celebrate.... good times, COME ON!

"Ladies and gentlemen...." the crackly tannoy system announced over the Olympic village. "We have reached the penultimate day of the first Official Olympics of Middle Earth, and it is my pleasure to invite you...... on behalf of the King...... to the official party in the official pub in the Official Olympics of Middle Earth! Bring your friends! Bring your family! And, most importantly, bring a fish! Gollum's getting out of hand again....." The tannoy switched off. 

"A party?!" cried Frodo. He did like parties. They reminded him of Bilbo. Shame the old hobbit couldn't make it to see his victory against Celeborn in the staring contest. He blinked. Yes, they still worked. 

"Free beer?!" cried Pippin. 

"Noooooo! Not Britney!" cried Merry. Except that he actually did cry. Can't say I blame him though. 

"Don't cry Mr Merry," said Sam, placing a comforting arm around Merry's shoulder, "If Pippin gets out of hand, I've still got that beautiful elven rope.... if you take my meaning." 

"Thank you Sam." said Merry, wiping his tears on the back of his sleeve. 

"Anytime, Mr Brandybuck. Anytime... Now! Let's go party!" 

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Meanwhile, in Olympic's central (aka Aragorn's office), the King Elessar was once again buried under 7 feet of paperwork as he attempted to make the final arrangements for the closing ceremony. 

"So we'll have a big parade, and all of the medal winners will be there, so I need to tell them what to do...." he rustled through the papers, "and I can't find the prize list..... Arwen!" 

The wail was heard all the way up in Lothlorien. 

"Yes Aragorn?" called Arwen patiently. Never let men do anything, she noted to herself as she ascended the stairs to the office for the twenty fifth time that day. They are incapable and always lose things. 

"Have you seen my big long list of medal winners anywhere?" 

"No.... where did you last have it?" she put on her best sweet and wonderful spouse voice. Now she knew why her father had been reluctant for her to marry! 

"If I knew that, don't you think I'd have found it by now?" 

"Well, yes.... but-" 

"No buts...." said the rather irate king, "Fetch me the hobbits!" 

"Which hobbits?" said Arwen. She really could not take much more of this.... 

"The ones who I went on that little quest with! You know....." 

"Right." said Arwen. 

Aragorn slumped onto the pile of paperwork and buried his head in his hands. 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Meanwhile, Gimli, Gandalf, Faramir and Éomer were enjoying a peaceful mug of White City's Best* ale in the pub. Well, it would have been peaceful if it wasn't for the party preparations that were going on around them. Several hobbits were stood on very rickety looking ladders, attempting to pin colourful paper chains to the wooden beams. Every few minutes there would be a crash and, as a stream of crepe in the colours of one of the regions of Middle-earth fluttered in the direction of our heroes, a cry of 'I'm OK - don't worry' would arise from the tangle of halflings on the floor. In addition to this, a group of ex members of the dark side were rehearsing for the evening's entertainment: part of their punishment for the behaviour they had since renounced. They were, of course, under the ever watchful eye of Éowyn. Or at least they would have been if Éowyn could have kept her eyes off her husband and his companions. 

Likewise, Faramir was watching Éowyn, smiling at her happiness. He looked down at his fast emptying mug of ale, and spoke to Gimli. 

"Tell me, master dwarf - how many of those orc heads did you hew? The gracious white lady of Rohan informs me that you were competing with a certain elf as to how many you could fell during the battle of Helm's Deep." 

"It is of no importance," said Gimli, downing the last drops from his mug and wiping his beard, "But I can tell you now that it was far more than elf boy!" 

"It is a pity that there were no medal for such an event!" 

"I am thankful that there are not enough left for such an event." 

"If there were, there would be no entertainment for tonight...." Faramir trailed off to glance at Éowyn, who was attempting to teach the orcs a complicated dance step. He laughed and returned to the conversation, "And we wouldn't want that - would we?" 

Gimli shook his head, and headed to the bar for another round of ales. Faramir turned back to watch Éowyn. 

"I never said thank you, you know," said Éomer to Faramir, causing him to return to his group. 

"What for? I have done nothing for you." 

"You have restored happiness to my sister, and that is a great and honourable thing." 

"It was my pleasure to do such a thing. I would not have had her wilt like a lily left in the frost. Besides," he added, "She certainly showed those guardsmen of mine a thing or two in the combat events." A few days previous, Éowyn had indeed treated the crowds to a skilful display of sword fighting that had left the elves and men running scared. Even Aragorn had retreated to his wife and paperwork. 

"That is very true. Let us toast now: to Middle Earth, to true love, and to the unlikely beings winning the biggest events at the Olympics!" 

"Cheers!" the fresh mugs of beer were brought together. 

"And to the party!" said Gandalf. 

Oh yes.... the party! 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "No, no, NO!" said Éowyn, "You're doing it all wrong!" She stood up and walked to the centre of the stage. The orcs stepped backwards, a couple tripping and landing on the polished floor. They were scared. Very scared. Well, you would be too if you not only had to provide the entertainment at the biggest party that Middle Earth had seen since.... well, ever, but you had to be taught the dance moves by the Lady Éowyn, and then be made over by Arwen. 

"Right," said Éowyn, "Now. This is what you do...." 

Éowyn did a couple of side-steps, followed by a funny little hop, an arm movement or two, a spin, jazz hands, and a box step. The orcs attempted to copy. 

"Uhh..." said one of the orcs. "Can you do that again, we didn't see?!" 

"Oh!" said Éowyn, raising the hem of her long dress so her feet were visible. She repeated the steps and grinned at the approving face of Faramir that had caught her attention. 

The orcs did their little 'dance' again, copying her every move - including the playful smile and wave to Faramir. 

Éowyn's sword was at the front orc's neck before he had put his hand down. 

"Just WHAT do you think you're doing?" she demanded, fuming. 

"We, uh..." the orc looked worriedly at the sharp blade under his chin, threatening to pierce his flesh. 

"We were copying you," interrupted another, taller, orc, "Just like you asked." 

"Oh," said Éowyn, lowering her sword. 

The orc she had been threatening gulped and moved swiftly to the back of the group. 

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Knock, knock! 

"Uuuggghhhh...." groaned Aragorn, not wanting to open his door and administer yet another guest into his citadel. That could only mean more paperwork. He stretched and stood up, walking towards the door - which suddenly opened as if of its own accord. He looked to the floor. 

"You called?!" said one of the four hobbits currently walking into his office. They sat down on the plush chairs and helped themselves to the cakes placed there. Sam was most disgruntled to find that he had picked up a portion of lembas - the only one on the plate! 

"Yes." replied Aragorn, "You always seem to know what's going on around here, and I'm pretty sure you've made a few bets in your time at the Olympics...." 

Merry and Pippin looked away and whistled innocently. 

"We did nothing of the sort, Strider - don't be silly!" said Pippin. 

"I don't care what you did!" said Aragorn. Merry's mouth opened in shock. 

"Well what do you want then?" said Frodo, who really didn't have time for this. He was supposed to behaving lunch with Galadriel and Celeborn in ten minutes. 

"I want you to make me a complete list of all of the prize winners at the Olympics. Every single one." 

"OK." said Merry. 

"OK?" said Aragorn, "That's it? No... 'how much will you pay us?'" 

"Nope." said Sam. 

"Great! Now.... leave me alone, I've got interviews for a new secretary starting in half an hour, and I want to see Arwen before then!" 

He shooed the hobbits out and closed the door. After pushing aside the reams of documents blocking it, that is. 

"You..." said Merry, pointing at Pippin with a grin on his face, "Owe me some money." 

Pippin began to whistle again. 

"Pip," said Sam, nudging his friend in the side, "Merry's talking to you!" 

"What?!" said Pippin, "Sorry, I hadn't noticed." 

"I said you owe me some money." 

"Oh." said Pippin. 

"Why?" enquired Frodo. 

"We," Merry indicated to himself and Pippin with his hands, "Made a bet. I said that Strider would get lost in his paperwork and need our help. Pippin said he wouldn't." 

"Right." said Frodo. Mental note to self, he added silently. Next time..... DON'T ASK! 

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Merry, Pippin, Frodo and Sam left the citadel and walked slowly towards the party pub for the night's festivities. Their gazes lingered on the sights they had grown to love during their stay in the great city: the different inns they had visited, the houses of the men they had befriended and then spent time getting very drunk with, the fields where they had practised for their events...... They would, after all, be leaving them all behind after the Olympics were finished. Sam had a new family to attend to, Merry and Pippin their duties, and Frodo.... well, whatever he chose to do with his time. 

They heard the celebrations long before they were within sight of the inn. They also heard the fangirls who had gathered around, or a near as they could get to it, the inn's entrance, in hope of seeing their favourite athlete. Patrolling the barricades that had been put up for the athlete's safety were several young females. Amongst them, Frodo thought he recognised Audrey and Tigerlily (aka the Gollumsitters), Amy - who had applied for the job as soon as she realised it meant being able to meet Legolas and make the other fangirls jealous, and Ailsa - the young, but extremely tough, bodyguard to the stars. 

Eventually, they reached the doorway, which seemed to be vibrating due to the pulsating dance beat music being played inside. Ooooohh, thought Sam. The elves learnt some new songs. They entered the pub. 

Wow, thought Pippin, as they waded through the sea of bodies that filled the inn. That's a lot of knees. 

Sam suddenly began to feel very claustrophobic. Then, all of a sudden, he was in the air, high above the crowd. Legolas, disguised by a pair of mirrored sunglasses, had lifted him free and was carrying him over to the bar, where White City's Best flowed incessantly. Sam twisted around in the elf's arms to see his friends being carried in a similar fashion by Faramir, Éomer and Éowyn. 

"Ah! Samwise!" said Gandalf, "I see you and your friends made it to this night of revelry." 

"That we did Mr Gandalf, that we did." 

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The night was one of the best celebrations seen in Gondor for many a year. The weight of the threat of Mordor and the Dark Lord's wrath seemed to have finally been exorcised from the people, and they were ready to party. Everyone seemed truly happy at last, and the mood was one of unprecedented excitement. Even Gollum had been allowed to attend the party, such was the generous mood of the people that night. He spent the night laying low and hissing around the bar and the buffet, hoping to catch some sight of the fish he coveted. Preciousssss..... 

Aside from Gollum, the party was attended by everyone who had participated in an Olympic event, plus some specially invited individuals, such as Galadriel, and some gatecrashers - namely fangirls, who had snuck in when the security guards had been fawning over the King. 

Some security! 

Not that the people outside the pub didn't join in the fun! The music was so loud, and the atmosphere so widespread that everyone within about a three mile radius had their own party. 

After an hour or so of food and merriment, the party really began. The room was suddenly enveloped in silence as the host for the night, King Elessar, and his beautiful bride, mounted the stage. 

"Did I miss something?" enquired Pippin, as he returned from his fourth trip to the dining room. 

"Ssssssshhhhhh!" hissed the attendants. 

"Right," said Aragorn. "As you all know, this is the final evening of the first Official Olympics of Middle Earth. I would like to take this opportunity to thank you all for coming, and to say that I hope to see you tomorrow - at our closing ceremony. I also expect that I shall see some of you again in four years time for our second event!" 

Arwen nudged the king with her elbow, and whispered something in his ear. 

"Yes," he said, "My wondrous wife has just informed me that the entertainment is ready to begin." He stepped aside. "May I present to you......." he looked at the card Arwen had just presented him with, ".... 'Geez, I wish I had been on the good side'!" 

The curious audience clapped graciously as the couple left the stage. 

The lights were lowered. A slow melodious tune was played by a single violin. A shadowed figure began the ascent to the stage. A second violin took up the tune; slow and mournful in places, light and joyful in others. The audience sat, enchanted, wondering what on earth they were about to witness. 

The answer came as a second figure entered the stage area. The first stepped into the spotlight and cast aside its cloak. 

An orc of Mordor was revealed. 

Half of the audience screamed in terror. Did they think it funny to set the enemy on them? The other half just screamed with laughter. It was, being the Olympics and all, no ordinary orc of Mordor. No. This orc was dressed in a tutu, pink, fluffy, and looking extremely embarrassed. 

The second orc cast aside his cloak to reveal his purple tutu. Needless to say, this had been part of the makeover that Arwen had given them. The other part was revealed when the curtain lifted after the two orc's very short rendition of the Middle Earth version of Swan Lake. 

The orcs were all in make up and long wigs. 

The string music stopped. 

The lights were raised. 

Brightly coloured beams of fast moving light began to dance around the inn and the introduction to a popular song started up. 

An orc in a blonde wig stepped forward and took up a microphone. Nervously, he started to sing. 

"Oh Sauron, Sauron.... 

How was I supposed to know - 

That you were so eeeeevillllll....." 

Pippin sat, cringing at the off key singing and cheesy dance routine. He heard a loud thud next to him, and looked to his left. 

Merry had fainted, a look of horror fixed upon his face. 

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A/N - That was a very, very, very, very, very long chapter - wasn't it? I hope that you liked it! 

*'White City's Best' copyright MagicalRachel 2002. Well, it would be if I had had it copyrighted. You are welcome to use it, but please ask first :) 

The original version of '.....Baby one more time' belongs to Britney and her lot. The new version.... well..... I hold Éowyn responsible for that! 

To all of my wonderful reviewers: your support and enjoyment of this story has meant so much to me! THANK YOU! *hugs and throws bars of Cadbury's dairy Milk* Ooops.... sorry - I didn't mean to hit you! 

To Michelle - I hope that was Faramir-y enough for you! Thanks for encouraging me to get this chapter finished! 

Once again..... REVIEW!!! And if you flame..... well - I have a bodyguard! 

Rachel xxx 


	15. Well we made it this far! It's the final...

Disclaimer -  I own it all! Mwahahahahahahaha! I am a distant relation of Tolkien's and I have claimant on the lot! But if you believe that then you'll believe anything! 

So you don't sue me..... IT'S NOT MINE!!!! 

A/N - What can I say? This is the final chapter :( Thank you to everyone who has left me a review! Special thanks at the end! But before I begin, I have to say a big thank you to Teasel, whose wonderful story provided the inspiration for part of this chapter, and so got me writing it again! 

Chapter 15 - The calm after the storm.....

A black cloud obscured the sunlight from Minas Tirith on the final day of the Official Olympics of Middle-earth. It was a mood reflected in the beings in the Olympic village - a melancholy happiness clouded by the sadness that they were at the end of the adventure. The races had all been won, the events had all produced their victors, there was no alcohol left south of Lothlorien and so there was nothing left to do now but attend the closing ceremony and then head back home. 

Home, thought Sam. Proper home. No orcs or them wild men. No killin', no burnin'..... just home. The hobbits would be remaining in Minas Tirith for two days after the proceedings had concluded, to say farewell to their friends. After all, there was no hurry for them to return, as they had everything they needed with them now. Including Rosie and baby Elanor, thought Sam happily. That was something he hadn't thought he'd live to see when the quest of the Ring was in its final stages. But of course that was all behind them now, and little remained to tell of it, save the maimed hand of Frodo and the lasting friendship of the Fellowship. Oh, and Gollum. 

Yes..... Gollum. He had of course been making further attempts to attack the hobbits. No particular reason now, just a need for a hobby. Perhaps he should take up fishing! 

Just in time for second breakfast, the dark clouds passed into the east and the promised bright sunshine was revealed. The ceremony was due to begin after luncheon, and was to consist of a parade of representatives from every group of beings on Middle-earth, including all of the medal winners, followed by the dismantling of the flame. But to expect it to go that simply would be expecting too much, so it would be safe to assume that there would be a few surprises thrown in somewhere! 

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Aragorn made his way down to the Olympic stadium two hours before the ceremony was due to begin. Several families of hobbits and men sat on the surrounding grass eating picnics, and there were fangirls scattered by all of the entrances - jumping up and down with excitement every time a blonde elf went past, whether it was Legolas or not. Not that it ever was Legolas: he refused to travel anywhere now without at least three bodyguards. Using the back entrance, the king slipped through the doors and bolted them securely behind him. He did not want anybody to see the arrangements for the ceremony until it was to begin. Of course, the participants knew what was planned, but they had been sworn to secrecy. 

Throughout the week, mysterious packages had been arriving at the stadium. Well, to describe them as packages is wrong - HUGE deliveries might be more appropriate. Very few people knew what was inside these deliveries but, by the day of the ceremony, virtually everyone knew that they had come from the mountains. A lot of rehearsals for the closing ceremony had also been occurring, which was unusual as, as one fangirl stated, how hard could it be to parade round an arena and look pretty? 

The four Fellowship hobbits were quite worried about the ceremony, as what was going to be happening was not.... well, let's just say that it wasn't in their area of expertise and wasn't something they would normally do. Legolas, however, was cheerily confident. Aragorn's masterplan seemed to ensure complete protection from stray fangirls, and so after the event, he would be able to go and finally live in peace. 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Right," said Aragorn to the participants, half an hour before the ceremony was due to begin, "You know what you have to do so make sure you do it well and in the right order. And remember... the most important thing of all... ENJOY yourselves! Most of you have probably seen much worse than this." 

The gathered crowd nodded in nervous agreement. 

"Oh," Aragorn added as an afterthought, "And if you fall over, please don't go crying at the side of the stadium, keep going and we'll all love you for it!" 

With that, the King left the group and headed off to join Arwen in the VIP box in the arena to make any last minute arrangements, before he could go and start the ceremony. 

Those left behind looked at each other worriedly, wondering what they were supposed to do now. A few of the humans sat down on the benches that had been provided to help with the preparation for the event, whilst the hobbits chatted together and discussed their tactics, previously suppressed laughter bursting from the group every now and then. Only the elves looked confident, for they knew that the grace and poise they possessed would aid them greatly in this new challenge. 

After what seemed like hours, a whistle blew to signal that the participants should all line up ready to go out into the arena. Merry, Pippin, Frodo and Sam shuffled to the front, wobbling precariously on their new form of footwear, not wanting to be trodden on by some of the more nervous 'big folk', who had yet to find their feet. 

"So..." said Pippin, "This is it. If we can get through this then it'll all be over and we can go home." 

"Yes, Pippin," said Frodo, "_If _we can get through this! I'm not sure which'll be worse: freezing to death, hurting myself, or just making a complete spectacle of myself and ruining my reputation as the valiant Ringbearer...." 

"No offence, Mr Frodo," intercepted Sam, "But if you were lookin' to keep your reputation then you shouldn't have done that starin' contest with Mr Celeborn." 

"He's right you know," said Merry, looking unusually pale and unconfident. 

Whether Sam was right or not Frodo never had chance to ponder, because then a second whistle blew and it was time for the ceremony. Upon Aragorn's final words of his introductory speech ("And so I present to you..... the medal winners!") Frodo led the company into the arena, which had been transformed.... into an ice rink! 

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As the performers entered the arena, the crowd erupted into the loudest applause heard since, well, ever. The stadium was completely packed, and the security team were working constantly and extremely hard to keep out the few without tickets who kept trying to steal the hobbit's seats. "What?" said one young girl who got caught by Audrey, the junior security guard, "The hobbits don't need a whole seat to themselves - they're half the size of the rest of us!" But it was to no avail, and the girl was soon wishing she'd never even heard of the Olympics as Audrey's sister Tigerlily set Gollum on her...... 

Anyway, back to the show in question! 

Frodo grinned as he skated skilfully round the rink. He wasn't finding this new sport as hard as he thought, and was outperforming many of the men and even elves. 

Spin, spiral, chassé, bunny hop... it was all coming surprisingly easily to him. Too easily. As the opening sequence ended and the performers skated into a formation in the centre of the arena, Frodo added an additional flourish to his steps, earning him a series of extra loud screams and delighted squeals from the crowd. 

"FRODO!!!! WE LOVE YOU!!!" 

Legolas looked at Frodo in annoyance. Much as he hated his fangirls, he didn't want them screaming for someone half his height - even if they had rid the world of most evils. He performed a quick sit spin. 

"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!! LEGOLAS!!!!!!!" 

The noise increased by about 100 decibels. 

Crack. 

A shudder was felt throughout the stadium. 

"Ladies and gentlemen. The winners of the first Official Olympics of Middle Earth!" Aragorn shouted above the din, thanking Gandalf silently for the amplification spell he had provided him with. He dreaded to think of the state of his throat had it been otherwise. 

The winners reformed into their line, as Arwen handed Aragorn a great long scroll. Frodo and Pippin led the line into skating around the rink in a snaking circle. 

"Mr Frodo Baggins - winner of the staring contest and the one responsible for the fact that we are all alive today!" 

The volume went up another notch and a strange shattering sound was heard. 

"Mr Peregrin Took..... Mr Meriadoc Brandybuck....." 

The hobbits waved at the crowd, unable to hear anything but the incomprehensible utterances of the audience and the partly inaudible words of the King. Who was being spoken of now? 

"Mr Samwise Gamgee - proving that small people can do extraordinary things... winner of the free for all 100 metres race!" 

Sam blushed a deep shade of scarlet and smiled at the crowd, seeking out Rosie and waving at her. 

Aragorn continued to recite the names of the medal winners, but even his amplified voice had become barely audible now, and it was only the names familiar to the crowd that were recognisable above the din. 

"The White Lady of Rohan - Éowyn..... Éomer or Rohan...... Haldir of Lorien...... Gimli, son of Gloin...." 

The screaming subsided slightly at the mention of the dwarf's name. Slightly.... the ice was still making creaking noises that were beginning to alarm the performers. 

"And..... last but not least....................." 

The crowd went silent: appearing to collectively hold their breath. 

"Legolas, Prince of Mirkwood!" 

There was a great roar, a cracking sound and a large tremor. Suddenly, Legolas disappeared, falling into the crevice that had appeared, splitting the ice rink into two. 

"LEGGY???!!" the fangirl mass screamed in distress. Those on the ice surged forward to the edge of the now cliff, and the paramedic hobbits, healer elves and nurses of men congregated on the ice, preparing for a crisis. 

The frantic cries of the crowd in seeing their idol disappear into a possible abyss grew louder as the minute passed, causing another crack to appear - this time losing Merry, Sam and Faramir. Baby Elanor began to wail accordingly in her mother's arms. 

~~::~~ 

"Legolas?" called Merry, searching for his companion. The splitting of the ice had caused the frozen ground below it to also crack, and so the hobbits, elf and man were lodged in a narrow passageway, several metres below the concerned crowd in the arena. 

"I'm here Merry," replied the elf, "Are you hurt?" 

"No." said Sam, "But I think we've gotten ourselves in a mighty big pickle, if you take my meanin' Master Greenleaf." 

"Has the ice split all the way along?" said Faramir to Legolas, who was further towards what he assumed was the edge of the stadium. 

"I think so," shouted Legolas, causing a few splinters of ice to tumble down from above. He shook his head to clear his hair of ice. "How are we going to get out?" 

"We'd do well to have a bit of rope with us..." said Merry, wistfully. 

Sam jumped suddenly, nearly falling over on his still booted feet. 

"What, Master Samwise?" said Faramir, steadying the halfling. 

"Rope! Rope! how could I be such a ninnyhammer, as what my old Gaffer would say!" 

"I don't follow." said Merry, hoping that someone would rescue him soon. He really did not want to be remembered in the tales of the Shire that he managed to help defeat the Witch King, but died when he fell into a crack during a bit of ice skating. He rubbed his arms to warm himself up and wondered if his lips were turning blue yet. 

"I have rope! I've learnt not to travel anywhere without it." 

"That doesn't really help us when we're down here and these are sheer walls of ice." commented Legolas. 

"Oh, I can fix that for us!" Sam took a deep breath, "MR FRODO!" 

Nothing. 

He tried again, "MR FROOODDDDDOOOOOO!" 

A few more ice crystals dislodged themselves and landed in his hair. Sam looked up, squinting to see the sky through the almost blinding whiteness. Sure enough, a dark, curly head had appeared over the edge of the ledge. 

~~::~~ 

"I can see them!" said Frodo, peering down into the icy depths. He listened closely to the seemingly distanced cries of Sam and managed to discern the word rope. After a few unsuccessful attempts to catch the silvery length of rope that was being thrown up to him, he motioned to the paramedic hobbits to come to his side..... 

Five minutes later, four, extremely cold, but otherwise fine medal winners emerged back onto the ice rink that was the stadium. The crowd resumed their applause, and the participants, some now wrapped tightly in blankets, skated towards the smooth, stable areas of the rink. 

"And so," said Aragorn, standing on a hastily re-erected platform, "That was the first Official Olympics of Middle Earth! I hope to see you all again next year. We'll certainly be here!" He looked around to the groups of medal winners to find that he was alone in the centre of the rink. The event was over, and not even Gollum would spoil the well deserved celebratory fish and chip supper that the participants had gone to..... 

Same time next year? I don't think even the ever enthusiastic Frodo would agree to that! 

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A/N - *Sob* It's over......... 

This will sound much like an Oscar speech now, but I have a few people I would like to thank because without them this would not have been possible for me to do (Hooray!): 

TL & Audrey - Thank you so, so much for all the support for this, all my other work, the inspiration and generally the amazing friendship! I love you guys! *Hugs* 

Ailsa Joy - You know that this was for you, don't you!? Thanks for giving me the kick up the ass I needed to get this done! But really, Miss Hobbit Torturer, were the death threats actually necessary? JK! 

Legolasina - See what happens when there's so much elf boy? The ice rink gets destroyed! I love your crazy reviews! 

YunCyn - Thanks! It's so hard to write humour and actually succeed in being funny! 

Imaginator - I know, I know... Merry and Pip do get somewhat overlooked! But this is an ensemble piece, so I try to give everyone a bit of the action! Thanks for your kind comments! 

Elly Gamgee - Yay for Sam indeed! I love him sooooooo much! 

And to anyone else I have forgotten - THANK YOU!!! 

What else can I say? A review or two would be nice, if you made it this far...... 

Flames get given to TL - beware! She's scary..... 

xxxxxxxx 


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